My husband is Japanese, he has lived abroad pretty much since he was 20 years old (he is 30 now), and when we met he never had plans to return to Japan. One year ago we had a baby and he begin thinking about moving back to Japan since life quality there would be better. He misses his family and the convenience of Japan, and has told me before that we might have to move to Japan before our son starts school. I am skeptical. At least i have convinced him we should live a bit closer to Tokyo, (his family is from Yamagata) and we can drive to his parents or take the bullet train…I have read some horror stories online about how some Japanese can treat Hafus. My husband's family is kind to me and the baby over the phone, but I don't know how they truly feel about a foreigner moving there. My Japanese skills are ok for a foreigner, but pretty much will depend on him to translate. Perhaps I read too many negative things online? How is life over there for foreigners? What about foreign/mixed children, (school, work, foreign communities) can anyone give insights?
by Cookiejarbot
11 comments
Which country do you currently live in?
I am not certain about the citizenship process for children born abroad of Japanese citizens or citizenship by marriage, so you may want to look into that
My wife is Japanese. I came here in 2009 to be with her (we met in my home country).
16 years later, we have a house, car, two kids, but it’s easy to feel like we’re stuck here for life. Like, people talk about the cost of living being so cheap, but standard salaries are low so they kind of offset each other.
I’m in a frame of mind at this moment that I’d rather be living somewhere else, so take what I’m saying with a grain of salt, but I do kinda wish I’d taken my wife to live in NZ before having kids so we could raise them there.
Regarding treatment of mixed kids, our two boys have experienced very little in the way of discrimination. They do have dark hair and dark brown eyes though, so it may be somewhat different if your kids stand out more. Tokyo does indeed have the highest concentration of foreigners, but you’d never catch me living there. It’s got the highest concentration of everything, so don’t be surprised if you’re even more ‘targeted’ there than in a smaller city.
I think it depends a lot on where you’re living now and your current situation… we came from America and I very much feel like we have a better quality of life in Japan (even considering that nobody in my family is Japanese). As far as how people are treated, especially kids, it will really vary a lot. We’ve had a majority of positive experiences, and my kids made friends here and have a good life.
Life in Japan is better for the kids but no one knows if you’ll personally like it or not.
While I am sure everything will work out if you come over, I think you are worrying about the wrong ‘part’ of moving here – your kids will adapt and be fine.
What may change is your relationship dynamic as by the sounds of it your husband will have to be in control of all the paperwork and dealing with a lot of set up of your lives here. Kids going to school or daycare should be fine, but there is a lot of admin that you will struggle with unless decent at Japanese.
Also your husband has never really been a grown up in Japan. The social dynamics and expectations inside work of a thirty year old is very different to living in the UK – I’m certain he’s aware of that but that’s often a major cause of stress for Japanese friends who lived away for a long stretch and then returned
I’m American married to Japanese and have been living in rural japan for 20 years now.
I feel that my life is good and am glad to raise my children here.
We had a small issue in kindergarten with another parent telling me to take my kids back to America if they can’t act more “Japanese”(despite them being born and raised here and have never lived in America), but beyond that we’ve had no problems. Or at least none that have impacted us notably.
Thankfully my son wasn’t present when he told me that and the school stood with me and helped ease the situation.
Although my son is now fluent in both languages, his English was stronger then (we focused on English at home due to everything outside the home being Japanese) and his daughter was afraid of my son because she couldn’t understand him.
How comfortable are you with Japanese language and culture? As the wife/mother you will mostly deal with ALL the kid things. I do doctor’s appointments, paperwork for school & activities, parent-teacher meetings, PTA duties, etc. (husband and I are older… so he isn’t as involved as younger fathers nowadays I guess, so maybe not an issue for y’all).
Be prepared to be an outsider. No matter how much I assimilate, I am still going to be the outsider. In the mom’s groups they mostly accept me, but in a way they don’t. It can be lonely (probably not as big of a deal in bigger cites where there are more people… there are very few non-Japanese in my small town).
I went to elementary school there as a Chinese kid and had a blast. I heard it gets kind of crazy competitive starting in junior high though.
I mean still way better than China Korea and India
>I have read some horror stories online about how some Japanese can treat Hafus.
I’d be willing to bet it’s not significantly different from anti-Asian sentiment in your country.
Where do you live ?
” life quality there would be better ”
No, depending on where you are , just no.
That kid is never leaving japan if you go there.