My wife is from Hokkaido, but moved to the US nearly 20 years ago. We’ve been married for almost 15 years. We have two kids together, one 9 year old starting 4th grade and one 6 year old with mild speech delay/autism who is starting 1st grade with an IEP. We live in Las Vegas, and as someone who was born and lived in Las Vegas their entire life, I've first-hand learned how poor our education system has been (I was fortunate enough to go to private schools thanks to my grandfather, which I unfortunately can't afford for my kids), and I never really wanted to raise kids here myself.
We go to Japan every year, usually Sapporo and rural Hokkaido, and each year we have the same discussion afterwards. I always want to move out to Japan (Sapporo, specifically), and my wife seems against it. The conversation usually dies out because in the past, my father's declining health and our dogs were of concern, and kept us from ever seriously considering the move. My father passed away last year, as did our last dog. There is less to hold us back from potentially making this move, aside from the expected logistics.
In her view, Japan is a country in decline. She says that although the education is better, they have a tendency to teach kids to think "inside" the box and follow the rules, which (in her view) is a part of the reason that most foreigners' experiences with Japanese people are relatively the same – people are kind and helpful, and generally don't show a very strong sense of unique identity. She thinks that in addition, since our kids are half American and half Japanese, that they would struggle here, where there is more of a bias towards kids who are not Japanese. Finally, she is inclined to think that our son will have less support for his speech delay and generally be treated like a "broken" case.
She also says that aside from a lack of guns in the country, she generally doesn't see any other positives aside from being closer to her family. She thinks that I will be more lonely, as will she, and that should anything happen to my current sofware engineering job (company based in USA), that I will have a much harder time finding work, especially at that pay scale.
My counter-argument thus far has been that I could maintain a remote job (either at my current company or another more remote-friendly one) that would still have a considerably higher salary than a Japanese-based company. I also believe that overall, the education in Sapporo vs. Las Vegas is incomparably better in every possible metric, and that her opinions about how our children will be treated are based off of old biases that have since changed, especially in bigger cities like Sapporo, where we would be looking to live. As far as loneliness, I already hang out with friends maybe a handful of times per year, but we can talk from anywhere. My Japanese is passable, and I’m generally outgoing, so I would be fine just going out and talking up random people. Plus, my brother in law lives in Sapporo, and we get along great.
I also feel that she considerably downplayed the value and importance of the absence of guns/crime/violence and her proximity to her family. To me, these are very important factors. I was close to my dad, and now that he is gone, I assumed she would welcome the opportunity to be close to her aging parents. I also think that if I either maintained my current job or found another remote-friendly one at an equal or higher pay scale, we would generally enjoy a much better life in Japan financially than we would in the USA, as the cost of mostly everything is considerably cheaper. The healthcare in Japan is much better, as is (in my opinion) the food, culture, history, climate, and geography.
TL;DR – For those of you who immigrated to Japan under similar circumstances and/or are raising children out there, can you share your experiences? Are there pros/cons I’m not considering, perhaps, or are there experiences you can share that might give a bit more insight as to whether or not my wife’s views about Japan are still as relevant today?
by nsktrombone84
44 comments
I mean there’s a LOT to consider, with both sides having some fairly valid points.
A couple of things to consider:
– 9 years old is… pretty old to be starting school in a completely different education system. I’ve worked in the past with children the same age who were *miserable* at suddenly having to live in Japan, and were resistant to learning the language because they were so unhappy living here. Also, that was in a fairly big city. Rural Hokkaido is going to be even harder, in terms of resources.
– As far as your autistic child goes… in rural Hokkaido you can expect… well, no support. At all. They’ll most likely try to put them in a normal classroom, and if things get hard, they’ll suck their teeth and go, “Well, can’t he just try harder to be normal…?”, because that’s the default approach to any mental issue that children face here.
Seems like a conversation to have with your wife. If you present her the facts that you have found and she still says no, thats between you and her. Do your kids speak Japanese? Does the area you intend to move to have any medical professionals to help your child with their speech delay? If it is rural, you may end up needing to travel far to see one.
In short, listen to your wife.
Longer answer is that there is less support for children with autism, and if you find that public school isn’t a good fit, you’re either going to international (expensive) or if you need a school with specific support you may really struggle.
The general consensus among the community I am in is that Japanese public is quite good in elementary (up to G6) but thereafter, it is as your wife described. My son has attended both international and public.
Is Japan in decline? That’s a very complex question. Population, definitely. The yen sucks and that will affect you in ways you probably aren’t considering. We have inflation now too. But how does all this affect you personally, Idk.
The US is more than Las Vegas too.
Don’t do it.
I have taught public and private education here… it is awful. Although there are some advances the system here doesn’t help people with special needs or autism .. they are put into the Tsudoi no Heya basically a room where “problem Kids” all study…
it’s really sad.. special needs are not taken seriously here and are ostracized in society here.. also isolation is very common here… especially in Sapporo.
Don’t give up your families security for your “dream” of living in Japan.
Your wife will grow resentment towards you and unless your kids are fluent in Japanese the same as their classmates and don’t look too foreign they will face discrimination and bullying.. I mean not all do but many do.
I‘m an European living in Japan for more than 2 years now and I‘d say trust your wife. Japan is a great country for going on vacation but living here is a completely different story, especially if you live in a very rural area (like me). I will move back to Europe by the end of this year, very grateful for the experience and time I had but looking forward to being home again.
Also, this might seem like a small thing until you experience it, you should consider the climate. I am originally from Wisconsin, and my husband is from Hokkaido. We live in Tokyo, and although we love visiting Hokkaido, we would never want to live there. We know (from our childhoods) how long the winter really is, and how snow loses its charm after a few months of dealing with it. We don’t enjoy the hot Tokyo summers, but every autumn and winter we love being in a place with sunshine where flowers bloom all year round. If you have lived in Las Vegas for your whole life, Sapporo might be a rough adjustment.
Would your wife be more interested if you moved to another part of Japan, if that is an option?
Coming from LV, have you experienced Sapporo winter yet for extended time?
Sapporo has good government support system/NPOs for autistic and physically/mentally challenged Japanese kids but such kids are considered special needs with handicap certificate etc. They will not be treated as normal, as what you might be expecting.
I more or less agree with your wife. I feel you are romanticizing the move. Consider moving to LA/SF/Seattle if you can afford, improve your financial situation and send kids to Japanese immersion schools in US.
Your wife is giving you a very huge dose of reality when it comes to learning support for kids with developmental challenges in Japan, similar to many parts of East Asia.
Do seriously reconsider.
I agree with most of things your wife said and other people.
Also want to point out:
– Sapporo in the winter is a VERY different city. I go to Hokkaido to ski and this year stopped in Sapporo for the snow festival. I was pretty miserable walking around that city.
– special edu is very rare here. One of my best friends here works at a huge international school in Tokyo and I asked and he said not many school focus on it because it’s too expensive and they don’t get the students.
– If your kids Japanese are at the same level of their peers they are going to struggle and that perceived “better education” will go out the door, also American Universities are far better than any Japanese University, but getting into one from Japan will be harder.
– additionally you can’t count on there always being remote jobs but as a Software developer you can likely find roles that don’t require Japanese if you move to Tokyo
– to your point there are many lovely things here it is safer but visiting Japan (even many times) vs living here are to very different beasts
>She says that although the education is better, they have a tendency to teach kids to think “inside” the box and follow the rules
She is 100% correct here.
>and that her opinions about how our children will be treated are based off of old biases that have since changed
You are 100% ***incorrect*** here. The Japanese education system and its goals haven’t changed substantially since she left the country.
She’s also correct about your potential difficulty in finding work.
She’s also correct about your autistic child’s potential struggles.
Honestly it’s strange to me that your wife, a Japanese native, is telling you all these things and you’re just going “Nuh uh! That’s not true!” But that’s more r/relationship_advice territory.
I’ve never visited Japan. Have a few friends who have done stints there, have a coworker from Japan and I like to read about the country since I’ve spent a couple years studying the language.
While I understand the compulsion to leave Vegas, moving to Japan with a half Japanese kid on the spectrum is signing him up for a very rough life. They will be minorities in a country which has a…. questionable track record when it comes to individual civil rights/liberties for outsiders.
The USA has its own set of similar problems right now, but your kids speak the language and will be able to connect with other individuals who share a similar background and challenges. They aren’t isolated and alone here. There is a very high likelihood they would be in Japan and that makes for a very lonely, unhappy childhood
What you really probably want to do is move to a city with excellent schools. There are plenty such places.
Regarding the food….every single Japanese national I have met had a much smaller range of experience with different types of cuisines than I have. Japan is a modern country, but it’s not a big country. My coworker kept asking if the Cuban restaurant near our office sold tacos until I set him straight. He lived much closer to southeast Asia than I ever have but he’s never had a bahn mi sandwich. It’s hard for me to imagine that Sapporo would rank among the top third of US cities for food. Maybe you need to get out and see more of this country.
This is my answer to another parent of a special needs child, thinking of relocating to Japan:
My (40F, Canadian) son (3, Japanese national) is a semi verbal autistic child who attends a special needs public kindergarten (youchien). My son needed to be diagnosed with autism and then have his developmental milestones evaluated by a child psychologist before he could enter the special needs school. This was all in Japanese.
He also did ABA & speech therapy for 7 months before he entered kindergarten. Again, this was all in Japanese. In fact, the speech therapy teachers specifically said to me they couldn’t accommodate my son in English if that’s what we were looking for.
The support my son has received has been fantastic and my son has blossomed in a few short months BUT the support was and is 100% in Japanese.
My son understands Japanese because his grandparents and father speak to him in Japanese, but I speak to him in English and he watches Sesame Street and other English media from a young age.
OP, if your child doesn’t understand spoken Japanese now or at the time of your move, I doubt he’d be able to get the support he needs in the public Japanese education system. Also, if he’s easily frustrated, he may have a hard time just going to school everyday because the language, food, and social customs are all completely different from what he’s accustomed to now.
The other point is if you’re at a lower level for Japanese yourself, you may have problems communicating with your son’s school and teachers. I have daily letters from the kindergarten and a daily handwritten book where I explain how my son is doing and his teacher explains what the kids did all day (renrakucho).
I’m not saying it’s impossible for your child to have a good and successful life here, but it’ll be challenging.
Regarding remote work, just some follow-up questions as you’ve piqued my curiosity:
1)How prevalent are jobs (not contracted positions) that allow you to be employed indefinitely in a country where you do not live?
2)Do such positions pay in Yen or your home country currency?
3)Do such companies provide health and other benefits for remote workers living abroad?
4)Do such positions have the same advancement potential and job security as corresponding domestic (US) remote roles?
Depending on the answers to some of these questions along with knowledge of the comp for a specific role that you are offered, it might make sense to get a job offer first that is agnostic about where you live and then sit down with your family and discuss the pros and cons with that in mind. At some level of comp, one can potentially make accommodations for some of the challenges.
Between you and your wife, who should know better? Doesn’t matter if she moved away from Japan 20 years ago. You said you both have visited annually for years, so she isn’t a stranger from her own home country. Regardless she knows better than you.
Also visiting and living in Japan are two different experiences. Living in Japan is not going to be the same experience as when visiting on vacation.
Another thing to think about is dynamics, expectations and responsibilities will change for your wife. She is well aware of what’s going to change for her. Has that not crossed your mind? Her life is gonna change drastically raising a family in Japan vs the US.
Reading your post, sounds like you want a new adventure…Just you. Not your wife, your kids are too young to make that decision for themselves. But just you.
Listen to your wife.
“I also feel that she considerably downplayed the value and importance of the absence of guns/crime/violence and her proximity to her family. To me, these are very important factors. I was close to my dad, and now that he is gone, I assumed she would welcome the opportunity to be close to her aging parents.”
You’ll probably want to talk to your wife about this and not just assume. Not every family is super close even if they are happy with each other. I love my mom and dad, my sister feels the same about them. But we are very distant as a family. Rarely visit each other, no annual family gatherings, etc. Rather than thinking she’s downplaying her proximity to her family, it’s very possible she just straight up doesn’t find it that important and wouldn’t prioritize being close to her parents regardless of their age.
(Also if this is actually the case with your wife, I would strongly advise against approaching her with the attitude of ‘well, I was close with my dad’)
Don’t consider just the children. Your wife left Japan 20 years ago and must have had a reason. She has also probably experienced the sort of loneliness and isolation that comes when you are outside your home country and the struggle to learn a new language and new way of life. The fact that she has been away 20 years and still does not want to go back should speak as loudly as any words she says.
You are married, so you have to compromise and try and keep your wife and other family members happy. Your wife has lived in both places for a considerably longer time than you, so probably has better judgment on what would be a better decision based on the “on the ground” knowledge that comes from living in a place, day in and day out for years at a time!
Good luck with whatever you choose to do!
Your wife is correct. Been living here for more than 3 years. Your kids will struggle and you’ll feel lonely since it’s hard to connect/make friends with Japanese people.
Better to just treat Japan as a vacation destination.
Your wife is right, sadly. Nothing has “changed”. A lot of foreigners send their children to international schools which are expensive for this reason and i’d do the same. I couldn’t imagine putting foreign kids through the public school system in Japan especially if not from age 5 already speaking Japanese. Its exactly like she says and nothing has changed really.
As for as working goes she is also correct. Now you may be able to have a remote job, which is possible so you maintain a foreign salary. However if you lose that it’ll be hard to gain another one. You may be looking at a 60-70% salary reduction depending on your role if you then have to find a senior software engineering job locally – and outside of Tokyo its pretty much impossible without fluency in Japanese – and even in Tokyo you’ll have a harder time(just not impossible like with other professions – dont let people online muddy the waters on that).
If you’d be willing to move back to US if that happens and you’d be fine with putting your kids through the school system here which frankly is bad but may actively damage them mentally too then its a risk you can take – i personally dont see why however.
Japan is not a good place to live if you have to work/educate here in the typical sense. Its a great place to live if you work for yourself, work for a foreign company, dont have kids etc.
I feel a little sad when i see foreign children here going through public schools, and just in general. I feel like they miss out a bit on a culture of environment that is fully supportive and inclusive of them. Japan is not racist or anything – it just doesn’t mix well with things that are different and doesn’t adapt- including people. Its handled more by categorising them and treating them as different even if politely. Its just how people here think and this applies to Japanese people too – they can just choose to blend in if they want and give up on being themselves while foreign children etc cannot.
One last point worth considering is that while international schools are better for this situation by far, it still has the greater issue of insulating children from Japanese society. So while they may get through their school days without much issues – they will still often be slapped with Japanese society out of the blue in some ways when they enter the workforce or something. Unless of course you plan to send them to US after and they intend to work elsewhere which ime is very common for the folks here who send their kids to international schools.
I have a weird perspective on this which is the Japan that you experience is wildly different from the Japan she experiences.
You’re a foreigner and you always will be. You will most likely be in an expat bubble, which honestly may be a nicer life than that of a Japanese person in Japan. Your kids will be subjected to local society rules. The only person living the nice life would be you.
Have you ever ask your wife if she’d be happy back in Japan? Because having one spouse be unhappy is a huge factor in moving to another country.
Here’s what I think. If you can afford to send all of your kids to an international school in Hokkaido it is worth a try. That’s 4 people who will likely have a better life. Your wife can try it and if things really don’t work out for her, give her the choice and move everyone back to the US.
If you cannot send all your kids to an international school don’t bother. Your wife is telling you she’s not going to be happy. Listen to her.
From what I’ve heard, visiting Japan is wildly different to living there
Your wife’s right. It takes two yes’s and one no in a marriage. If you’re really thinking about your kids, then you wouldn’t be considering moving to Sapporo.
Your wife is absolutely correct.
As someone (like your wife, ostensibly) who has experienced the Japanese education system I strongly agree with your wife.
There will be no accommodation made —there is no IEP here.
Middle school in particular is a time where conformity is required—from hair cut, demeanor and learning expectations.
Being half Japanese is enough to make you stick out… ask your wife about the old adage: “出るくぎ…”
It’s a little confusing to me that your options seem to be “move to Japan” or “stay in Las Vegas.” If the problem is Las Vegas, then there is literally an entire rest of a country available to you to move to that has dramatically different culture, education standards, gun violence/crime rates, etc. than Vegas.
All of your wife’s points are still more or less correct for Japan today. Beyond the cultural aspects, I think you’re actually really underestimating the complexity of maintaining a remote job in a foreign country when you have to actually play by the immigration rules and not commit tax fraud (which is what most “digital nomads” do). It’s of course very possible, but it’s going to be a lot of complicated paperwork, and your company almost certainly won’t help you. If you stay past 5 years and become an unlimited tax resident, there will also be serious financial repercussions against your US assets you need to consider unless you’re 100% certain you will stay in Japan forever. It would suck to blow up your kids lives and move them to a foreign country just to move them back again a few years later. If you wind up losing your remote job and get hired by a local firm, even if it’s a multi-national, you will be considered a “local hire” and can expect your wage to be 1/2 to 1/3rd what you’re making now as a US based software engineer.
You also didn’t say if your wife is a Japanese citizen still; if she isn’t and became a US citizen, then the immigration process is going to be complex, as without a job to sponsor your immigration she will need to regain her Japanese nationality which would mean losing her US nationality. That’s a huge risk on a “maybe I’ll be more happy in Japan.”
I think you need to have a long and honest conversation with your wife about why _you_ want to move to Japan, because it seems pretty clear she doesn’t (and she left for a reason; given the timeline you presented, it doesn’t sound like she left to follow you, but was already in the US). Just because you had a close relationship with your parents and valued being close to them highly doesn’t mean she has the same feeling for her family that she’s been apart from for 20 years. If it’s really just about leaving Vegas, there’s literally anywhere else in the US to move to. If you aren’t working for a Japanese company, and your wife doesn’t have an existing social group, you are going to be very lonely in Japan; the Japanese social calendar really revolves around the workplace, and you will find it difficult to make friends without the common connection of being work colleagues (especially if you’re not conversationally fluent in Japanese, which you did not mention). At best you may pick up friends from the expat community, but then… why move to Japan at all?
Your wife is saying she doesn’t want to go. Your kids can’t really say if they do or not, but given their age and special needs unless you put them in speciality schools, will likely struggle. So you need to be really honest; why are you pushing so hard to make Japan, specifically, work? Is it because it’s truly what’s best for your family, or because _you_ want to do it and need this kind of adventure for you? It’s not wrong to do things because they’re what you want, but being open and honest about this with your wife, and truly listening and understanding her concerns that she lived(and has family that continues to live) rather than jumping to “you don’t know what you’re talking about, things have changed!” based purely on short term vacations, will likely be the best path forward.
Having lived in Japan (2 years in Sapporo and 5 years in Tokyo), I think your wife’s point are valid. I can tell more if you want.
Education here hasn’t changed much. The goal is the same. Create standardized Nationalists. It dates back to the Meiji Restoration. The government created an education system to indoctrinate national identity to override clan identity. They were successful and this system is still in place. Your children will not fit in at all. My two sons were born here so they can walk between worlds because they understand the lay of the land. Dropping an American 9 year old that is already heavily enculturated in American ways into Japan is going to cause so much unneeded stress in the child’s life. This isn’t like moving to a different Western country. Your wife is right and you shouldn’t move.
American here. I’ve lived outside Yokohama since 2019. I’m a SOFA status civilian employee and my wife (American) teaches for DODEA. We know lots and lots of Japanese/American families.
DODEA schools are objectively awesome (from a US standard) and every kid that we’ve known (of all ages) have had struggles transitioning from DODEA to Japanese public school, and almost all of them have returned to DODEA eventually behind their peers.
I think there are still a lot of conformity problems in Japanese society, especially among kids.
My kids 15/12 love it here as well, but they have the benefit of American schools and American friends to go along with the safety and convenience of being here.
For me it took me a long time to make Japanese friends and I have the benefit of working in a mixed Japanese/American office. Going out with my coworkers and then making friends with their friends. I think I would be incredibly lonely without my small American community here and just hanging out with my Japanese friends, but that’s just me.
In terms of support for special needs, it depends on how good of pediatrician you have and which city/prefecture.
My niece is slightly delayed and maybe autistic, 2 nephews who the doctor may need “support” (they most likely don’t actually have anything)…. the doctors just gave blanket approval and referral so they have access to all support and programs. Something along the lines of it’s better to have all the support and not need it, rather than waiting around for help when you really need it.
My niece (age 4 now) gets picked up by the therapists (not sure which ones) every morning, then dropped off to her daycare, then returned home at the end of the day. It’s essentially free of cost to the family.
The same things for her older cousins, too, at least before they entered public school.
In terms of lifestyle… it’s nice to have kids actually be able to go to school themselves without needing to be chaperoned. Or kids of almost all ages can go and play outside without the whole, “It’s 9p.m. Do you know where your kids are?”
As someone who currently teaches in Japan but also grew up in Las Vegas, while I definitely get where you’re coming from, I’m inclined to agree with your wife. If you guys are going to stay in Las Vegas though, consider looking into magnet school programs for your kids! Las Vegas has some excellent magnet schools (including my high school, the top in the state and among the top in the country). They’re free to attend since they’re still part of CCSD but many of them get extra grants and such that help create a better education. I went to a normal elementary school but a magnet middle and high school and had much better experiences than if I’d gone to my zoned schools. (And feel free to ask me anything on that if you’d like!)
I’m American, raising my kid in Japan.
In general, your wife is right. The attitude towards children and education is as she describes. I will say that until grade six I think the education is decent (for neurotypical kids), but then at jr high the focus switches to the examination system.
Many international families I know switch to international school at that point as they don’t like the approach to education and want their kids prepared for a different college experience (one abroad as opposed to the Japanese system). Remember international school is quite expensive.
My kid is currently in public school, as we wanted her to become fluent and integrate. We also wanted to save money. We plan on switching to international school at jr high for the above mentioned reasons.
There are things we like about raising our kid in Japan— it’s safe, I make a good enough salary to make a good life for us, we enjoy traveling around the country, etc. But it has all the downsides your wife mentions. Wouldn’t have moved to Japan if my spouse didn’t want to move. But that’s a relationship issue, not a “moving to Japan” discussion.
Lastly fourth grade is a bit late to be putting kid right into Japanese schools. I know Japanese families who had been abroad that had to put their kids into international school at that age when returning to Japan because the kid couldn’t handle Japanese schools. And kid spoke fluent Japanese.
ETA: the autism issue will make things even harder. The parents I know with any neurodivergent kids have a much harder time dealing with school, finding the right school, advocating for their child, etc.
My take as an adult hafu with family in Hokkaido and Midwest USA: don’t move to Sapporo. Move to somewhere in the states with a better publicly funded school if you’re worried about their education. Diverse areas!!!!!
I was born in Japan and left after finishing 小学２年生(8 years old). My dad moved us to America because he wanted us to receive an American education. I am happy I received an American education. I am happy I received education in a well funded public school with a diverse population til high school when I moved to a super rural area with a 97% white population.
Thank goodness that I’m not brainwashed to be the best seishain and numb citizen like my Japanese peers. And thank goodness I’m not like my peers in rural America voting for felons in the name of anti abortion and gun rights.
It just sucks to be the only mixed person in a white school or Japanese school. You either get the “Do you eat cats? Do you eat sushi every day? Can you do karate? I feel like you’re talking about me if you’re not speaking in English!-im talking to my mom…” OR “EHHH HAAAFU!! KAWAIII!” They come to look at you. Not talk to you. Then ignore you…
Maybe I was messed up from moving around, my little brother who came to the US at 4 years old is much more social, seems happier than me in general. He doesn’t speak as great Japanese as I do, but is thriving and still can communicate fine with family and express touristic needs.
I hope things have changed for kids since I was in elementary school twenty years ago, esp since there are more foreigners here now, but I’m not confident. Honestly, just last year I was grilled on how my dual citizenship and ultimately failed an interview. Like no convo at all related to my skills…(Ik you’re supposed to choose in Japan. But just pointing it out since something like this wouldnt happen in America). My last company’s 40 something year old boss called me 海外かぶれ？？？ Lol. The vet for my cat asked me about my hafu status and English and Japanese skills AGAIN today, literally every time I go! Also Japan sucks so much more than the USA for women. Especially as a hafu girl you’re expected to be beautiful, otherwise you are 失敗作 but then they think you get around just because you are hafu. And then the daily pain of explaining my katakana last name is just tiring…
I moved back to Japan when I was 25 cuz I wasn’t finding any good jobs after college and I needed health insurance. I also wanted to move to a big city. Tokyo was more affordable than anywhere in the US. I love it here despite its flaws. There are a lot of international minded people, I don’t need to drive, hospitals are cheap, going out to eat is cheap and fun and good.
But I barely earn any money and can’t travel much…I def would earn more at a factory or retail anywhere in the Midwest. JPY is weak and ever declining. My gaishi company with super strong Japanese culture cancelled the annual raise this year due to “global uncertainties.” I was able to join a tech company without any tech background thanks to my English, so my plan is to keep studying to eventually be able to be somewhat employable in the US/globally in tech. Or to be able to freelance to Japanese companies.
Oh do teach your children about the “shinsotu” card when they’re in their junior or senior year of college. I didn’t know and missed out.
Anyways, if you do go to Sapporo, please put them in international school. It’d be cool if you could put them in a weekly Japanese school in the states. Or you can also do 体験入学 for the kids for a month when visiting Japan in the summers. You can also get Japanese textbooks for the kids from the Japan embassy I think.
Good luck~
I don’t get why you are asking random redditors for advice when your wife literally has been giving you advice you seem to refuse to listen to.
Honestly, as someone from the UK raising a mixed Japanese son in Japan: I agree with your wife. She knows what she’s talking about.
Most US companies no longer allow remote workers to work internationally. All the countries caught onto how this was breaking all sorts of tax laws during COVID so companies now have clear policies against it. It’s highly unlikely that your current company, or any other US company, would be okay with you working from Japan unless your role can be transferred to a Japanese office.
I agree with everyone else that you seem to have romanticized Japan and are ignoring your wife’s very clear opinion and experience, almost to an insultingly rude degree. The US is huge. If you aren’t happy in LV, then it makes a lot more sense to move within your current country versus abroad to a different one with a completely different language and culture.
Also, you need a minimum of $40k extra to move your life internationally. Can you afford that?
In short, your wife is right.
Sapporo is not a fun place to live in, Japanese education system is rubbish and women in Japan have it the hardest which may be the main reason why your wife is not excited about moving back to Japan.
I can’t comment about the family aspect as I don’t have kids but I think you are really hand-waving the job aspect. Have you already talked to your job about the possibility of continuing work here? Are they willing to work through the tax implications and time difference to let you work into Japan? The chance of finding a non-Japanese company that will hire you and jump through those tax hoops just for you to work into Japan are close to zero.
Expat American in Tokyo with a Japanese wife and two kids a little older than yours. The “Japan in decline” point may be true on a macroeconomic level, but rings false in most every way you would experience life here as an individual, particularly compared to a country like the U.S. that has generally terrible infrastructure, awful insurance and a level of acceptance of the threat of gun violence that is really incomprehensible once you have lived anywhere else. Japan is clean and safe, the food is good, and things generally just work — my taxes are high but I’m satisfied with what I get in exchange.
But all that said, while I make enough money that I can live in a nice apartment in Minato-ku and send both kids to a good international school, (1) I would never choose to live here permanently if I had to live in a rabbit hutch and commute an hour plus both ways every day (did this as an undergrad studying abroad, never again), and (2) I would never raise my biracial kids here if I were not in an expat bubble, and would especially not raise a special needs child here.
Just move outside of Las Vegas, for Christ’s sake! This is the strangest unnecessarily binary choice I’ve ever heard of.
All things aside, the biggest issue you have is that you want to do it and your wife doesn’t.
Unless the two of you talk through it, ALOT, one of you is going to be really unhappy with the decision and it’s going to tangibly affect your marriage and your family.
You don’t need reddit advice, you need many more hours of REAL, heart to heart with your wife. Not trying to convince her to move to Sapporo, but to listen to each other.
You romanticize Hokkaido because you go only on holidays.
Once you live there things will be very different.
>As far as loneliness, I already hang out with friends maybe a handful of times per year, but we can talk from anywhere. My Japanese is passable, and I’m generally outgoing, so I would be fine just going out and talking up random people. Plus, my brother in law lives in Sapporo, and we get along great.
Wanna comment on this since haven’t seen anyone talking about. I was in a similar situation before leaving to Japan, only got to see my friends not very often due to the nature of adult life and thought it wouldn’t be a problem.
But man, it’s one thing to be less than an hour away from friends and another whole level when you’re literally on the other side of the world. Not to say about the time zones that can totally mess with the schedules and opportunities to get to talk online. It’s been rough seeing my friends gather back home, have fun, advancing their lives (some of them had kids recently) and not be there to celebrate together.
Not sure how it is in the US but I miss more spontaneous friendships. Also language and culture play a huge role obviously, I’ve seen people struggle to connect to natives even after a long time living here and speaking the language close to a native level.
I think it’s very particular one’s experience regarding friendships here, really depends on your personality. Most people struggle with loneliness but I’ve also seen people have great friends.
You banking on being able to maintain a completely remote role while working internationally in a field as unstable as software engineering is way too risky. You are weighing your own desires way higher than your wife’s.
If you have the potential for remote work why not move to a state in the US that has better schools? I think you are not realizing the differences between being a half- race person can experience in Japan.
You also have to think about what is the game plan for your kids once they are 18+ do you want them to fully integrate into Japanese society and go to Uni/work there?
Or do you want them to study in some Western country and work there. You would have to look at the acceptance rates for all of those things. I would highly suggest you listen to your wife, not to mention you focus on moving to a state that has better schooling options.
For example you could go from Las Vegas to boulder Colorado, which is about 15% more expensive. Or Salt lake city which is 11%.
Your wife is right imho. She’s a smart woman, listen to her.
Listen to your wife don’t do this to your kids