TL;DR: I was deceived and used over the course of 2 years for a sperm donation.
In 2022 I moved here long term for the first time and got to know a woman (both in our 20s) who I really felt connected with. Similar personality, same struggles in life especially mentally-wise (which has been the reason how we met in the first place) so there was a lot of mutual understanding which I haven't really felt before. We met a couple of times and stayed in touch.
However after 6 months my mental state became very bad so I decided to head home, but we still stayed in touch and messaged regularly. Fast forward over the course of 1.5 years we started liking each other, talked about moving and spending our future together. Told her that I love her to which she reciprocated and talked about how happy she would be spending her future with me.
I knew that she was kind of obsessed by the thought of having a mixed kid, work as a full-time mum and live in a big house (bit of a red flag here, I know). I told her that I don't plan having kids but buying a house and making it possible for her to live as stress-free as I can afford is what I will give my best for. She seemed to be ok with that and said that having a kid is only a thought and nothing carved in stone.
Then in 2024 my mental health slowly improved and I came to the point where I decided to visit her for 2 weeks. She knew that I was still struggling and it wasn't an easy task for me to jump on a plane and fly all the way from Europe to Japan, but I did it for her. She said she was looking forward to meet me and would give me a big hug.
The trip didn't start off smoothly as my flight was delayed which led to missing connection flights and eventually I arrived about 6 hours late in the evening in Japan. My body was pretty wrecked but seeing her again kept me in good spirits. She was 30 mins. late to the airport although I told her my arrival time about 90 mins. earlier (she lives 10 mins. from the airport by train). But I didn't mind considering all the delays.
And yeah from that point everything went horrible.
When she arrived I didn't see her at first but when she came in my field of view she was kind of side-eying me as if she didn't recognise me, followed by a "your hair looks weird!" and a tap on my shoulder. That's about it for the welcome. No "Happy to see you", no お疲れ様, no hug. I have longer hair and she knew what I looked like.
Her parents dropped her off at the airport and didn't bother to pick me up (they live in the closest city) even though I stayed at their family-run hotel.
We sat down and exchanged presents. Then she asked me to call the hotel for the pickup service and when I asked if she couldn't do that for me (the number she gave me was literally her aunt's) she said it's you staying at the hotel, not me.
Called the hotel, pick up service came (was kind of rude), followed by a pretty silent ride in the car. I was dissappointed and surprised by her sudden unwelcoming behaviour.
We arrived at the hotel, went to my room and chatted for a while where she complained about my hair again and how she somehow is superior to me since I'm only a guest in her country (can't remember whad lead to that). When she left I wanted to hug her but she refused and told me not to press her. We then exchanged some messages agreeing on having a proper talk tomorrow.
That was the first day and I was perplexed, but shrugged it off as it being just a long, unlucky day.
Next day in the morning I asked her when we can meet. She responded that she's visiting her grandparents today and can't meat me. I, the person to whom she said she loves and want's to spend her future together, just travelled from the other side of the world just for her and she would rather meet her grandparents just that day.
In the evening she texted me she would be embarrassed to sit next to me when introducing me to her parents because of my haircut and wants me to take me to a hairdresser.
I was like wtf no. She exactly knew my haircut and I couldn't understand her sudden reaction. I asked a stranger to take a picture of me which I told her to show her parents to which they responded "nice picture" or something in the likes.
Later that day I asked her to meet me tomorrow to which she responded "I maybe can spare some time". She was working for a few hours per week only, and I was like what do you mean "spare some time"?
The next day when she finished work I messaged her that I treat her to dinner to which she agreed. At the restaurant she wouldn't stop playing some mobile game until I asked her to stop. When we left we strolled around the area. I wanted to hold her hand but she told me not to pressure her.
Eventually I accompanied her back to her house where we finally had an actual talk about our relationship. I'm not sure how to summarise what happened then so I will just enumerate what she said:
"I want you to donate your sperm to me and pay for an artificial fertilisation. You can go back home and live separated if you don't want kids. I don't want you to touch me, you can do that with someone in your home country. I thought I could convince you if we talked in person. Otherwise there is no merit in being with you." And probably some other silly things. She was like a totally different person, kind of aggressive. Even asked me how much money I have.
Needless to say I was devastated. I left and headed back to the hotel where I had a total meltdown.
The next 2 weeks I spent in Japan I was nauseous and needed my benzodiazepines daily to calm down. I texted her that I couldn't believe what she did to me to which she showed a "whatever, shit happens" attitude. Me still in disbelief couldn't bear her delusional talk anymore and told her that she is a horrible human and insane for thinking that any man would agree to what she expected. Then she told me to stop attacking her and said that I was mentally ill for saying that and should seek help. Then she blocked me and that's the last time I heard from her. So basically she blamed and gaslighted me for everything. The rest of the time in Japan was as horrible as you can imagine.
One time I ran into her father at the hotel. He only glanced at me and went away. I mean, any sane parent would ask at least what happened, but neither of them did. On my last day I wrote a letter to her parents explaining what happened and asked the staff to hand it to them. Of course I never heard from them. They are probably just as shitty human beings as she is. The least I can hope for is that they now know how big of a psychopath their daughter is. But the sad thing is that she probably still thinks that what she did was ok and she's in the right.
And that's basically it. More than 2000€ wasted, betrayed and used for 2 years by a total lunatic.
Now one year later I'm living in Japan again and got to know a really nice person. She is very caring and treats me very well, but due to this horrible experience my brain is in constant alert-mode. I know that I like her and she likes me, but my brain often tells me to run. Anyway that's another story, but I still can't get over being harmed so badly by someone who is completely ignorant of the severity of her actions.
I blame myself for overlooking the red flags (there were many) but being in love made me blind and obviously foolish. Lastly I will write down some of those that I can remember:
Probably the worst: When 3 friends of mine died in an incident I needed someone to talk to, but she ignored my message.
"I don't want to work but want to live in a big house"
"I hate being touched" (No, she was not abused. But she had no experience with men. I told her let's go slowly and she said "I'm ok if it's you")
"I have 3 cats and don't trust my parents to take care of them so I can't visit you"
"Of course I love you, stop asking. I just don't want to call or message regularly"
"I know I was planning to visit you, but I'm going to have cosmetic surgery so I can't"
"I hate my parents"
"I hate my brothers"
"I want you to become rich"
"I was at the shrine praying for my dreams to become true" (Not our dreams of course)
And lastly: Her ringtone was a barking dog.
by Super-Artichoke6761