I recently moved to Japan for a graduate program, and as I expected, everything feels amazing but also overwhelming, the language, the new city, and the academic pressure. On top of that, I’ve been experiencing something unexpected , very intense feelings for someone I barely know.
He’s a Japanese student, assigned to help me settle in during my first days. At first, I just appreciated his guidance and the way he explained things and helped me navigate the lab. I didn’t expect a Japanese student to be so open and expressive, especially since I’m a brown-skinned girl and I assumed that Japanese students might not naturally interact much with someone like me.
Then, during a group trip, something shifted. He offered to accompany me as I am new and still struggle to navigate, and we spent hours together on the train, laughing and talking despite the language barrier. There were moments of eye contact that left me stunned, he suddenly looked me directly in the eyes, and we held it for two or three seconds, quiet but intense. My heart raced during those moments, and even now thinking about them makes me feel a mix of excitement and confusion. Later at the lab dinner, he sat across from me, and the way he looked at me when I made a joke or explained something made me feel seen in a way I hadn’t felt before. But he also ignored me for most of the day, which left me really confused.
To be honest, I didn’t expect a Japanese guy to be so open and expressive, it’s very different from what I’ve heard about typical cultural behavior.
I’m trying to understand these signals. Does anyone have experience with this? How can you tell if a Japanese colleague is just being friendly or if there might be something more?
I can’t avoid him because of lab activities and meetings, and the intensity of his presence makes it difficult to focus.
by oipipiiii