RResidents in Japan

For the Queer community in Japan: how did you meet your partner?

  • December 19, 2025

Dating apps just not doing it for me… I'm considering going to clubs but I hate loud music

Also it's very intimidating to go alone to nichoume..

by gerdbeatmetodeath

12 comments

  1. My partner literally ran a local LGBTQ meetup in our back country town (okay, it was a city, but still very back country). My friend invited me to go with them, and I tagged along just to see what things were like. We ended up making a sort of friend group with several people.

    Another friend of mine ended up dating her girlfriend through that friend group, and eventually me and my partner also started to date, after a few months of neurotic messaging each other through LINE.

    Been together for 10 years basically at this point. 👍

  3. I’ve dated many Japanese men, not just hook ups. Met them all through the apps. Tinder, grindr, 9monsters, dunno if you know about that one but it’s quite popular. My partner of 4 years I met on tinder, although he’s from South Asia.

    I get it though it can be depressing. There were alot of men that I wanted to be more serious with, but ended up just being kind of friends with benefits. I don’t particularly care for gay bars and clubs either.

  4. Sorry, but I met my partner in ナイモン so I can’t help you.

    There are a lot of smaller bars just outside of nichōme that are less loud and intimidating. Maybe you can try those?

  5. Met my partner through ナイモン, I think you really just have to have an open mind. I was actively searching for a partner in clubs, bars, and all dating apps beforeI found my partner. Just like a job application, you need to go meet tons of people to actively choose, experience and match.

    My partner’s Japanese btw, and its his first time dating a foreigner.

  6. Randomly went into a small chinese-owned karaoke bar tucked away in Shinjuku nichome. I don’t even know if it’s there anymore, this was about 10 years ago. I drunkenly thought I could sing a kpop song and the guy pointing and laughing at me from across the bar ended up being the one.

  7. dating app. we live in a quite inaka place so sometimes we joke we were the only two young lesbians in this area and fate brought us together, lol

  8. He found my social media page and sent me a message when I was living in SoCal. We communicated daily for a couple of months and then he invited me to fly from LA to Tokyo at his expense so we could meet in person. From there he took me on a whirlwind tour of Japan. We had a great time together and felt like there was really something special between us. At the end of the tour he took me back to his hometown in Kyushu so I could see the area where he grew up. That’s how I ended up living here.

  9. I met my ex on tinder. I’ve also used 9mon and found people looking for serious relationships, but they usually dropped me for taller foreigners (I wish that were a joke lol).

    If you don’t like clubs or hookups, it’s really hard to meet people. My ex wanted to do dinner with a hookup because he was a bit anxious. Mentally, I just pretended it was a normal date since we ended up doing the Japanese three dates and confession thing anyways.

  10. I met my ex on tinder. I’ve also used 9mon and found people looking for serious relationships, but they usually dropped me for taller foreigners (I wish that were a joke lol).

    If you don’t like clubs or hookups, it’s really hard to meet people. My ex wanted to do dinner with a hookup because he was a bit anxious. Mentally, I just pretended it was a normal date since we ended up doing the Japanese three dates and confession thing anyways.

  11. There are a few queer / lgbtq groups around Tokyo that do more chill events. You can find their accounts on Instagram.

  12. was thinking to go to nichome this new years too but i have no gay friends
    probably gonna go to osaka instead, i am in need of having friends who are not straight

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