I’m not sure “adjusting” is the right word for what I’m experiencing. I’ve technically adapted to life in Tokyo in a way that makes me look functional, or even like I’m doing fine, but internally I’m in a constant state of emotional crisis. I’m able to survive here, but not in a way that feels healthy or sustainable, and I’m trying to understand whether real stability is possible in this environment.
I spent my early childhood in a rural area in the U.S., where I saw the same people every day and felt part of a tight-knit community. That sense of belonging was really important to me. Since moving to Tokyo in 2015, my mental health has worsened year by year, to the point where I was hospitalized in a psychiatric ward in June 2025.
One of the hardest parts has been how unsafe it feels to be open or earnest. Multiple times, when I tried to express myself honestly, I was met with comments that felt like subtle evaluations of my background or identity. Over time, I became less comfortable being my natural, expressive self. It’s not just about specific systems. The overall mindset and social structure feel very different from what I grew up with, and I often feel deeply alone when I’m honest about where I come from and how I feel. It feels like my emotions are rarely mirrored, and like Tokyo rewards people who keep themselves small, quiet, and easy to consume. I constantly feel judged.
For years, I held onto the hope that university would be different, that I’d finally find people who would meet me where I am, similar to the community I had growing up. But the reality has been really painful. I was love-bombed and then emotionally discarded by someone, which deeply affected me. Outside of that, I often feel invisible: no one checks in on my life or mental health, and no one really approaches me. I’ve learned how to “pass” as okay here, but I’m not okay
Even though I’m in an English-only faculty, I struggle to make close friends. When I do meet people, we don’t see each other regularly. Everyone is busy with internships, part-time jobs, clubs, circles, studying abroad, or classes. It feels like no one sticks around long enough to build a deep understanding or genuine connection.
I know there are people at my university who want deeper connections and have more free time, but there’s very little structure or encouragement to support that. There’s no shared rhythm or “container” holding people together. Most socializing revolves around spending limited money on drinking or tourist-y activities, which doesn’t feel fulfilling to me. I know everyone is trying their best, and I don’t blame individuals. It just feels like the structure itself makes consistency and depth nearly impossible.
I guess I’m asking:
Has anyone experienced something similar in Tokyo or other big cities?
How did you find stability, community, or emotional grounding in an environment like this?
Are there ways to build consistency and deeper connections here, or should I be thinking about changing environments altogether?
Any perspectives would really mean a lot.
by Sufficient-Moment622