New account as I don't want this associated with my main one (coworkers know about it), I hope it doesn't get flagged.
I honestly don't even know where to start with this but I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. I moved to Japan/Tokyo in 2018 as a 22 year old pimple faced broke kid. I was single and had no trouble getting people to meet me and engage. This was using a combination of apps, real life events and friends. If I went on a date, the girl was actually interested, even if things didn't work out later. People showed up when they said they would. Even during the peak of Covid, it wasn't that hard to connect with people who actually wanted to build something. Then I got into a serious relationship and was off the market for a few years. I just got back out there in 2025 and it's like I've stepped into an alternate dimension.
Now I'm 30, at the peak of my earning power, speak Japanese well and don't look like a kid anymore. In theory, I should be seeing at least the results I used to see but it's pretty much the opposite.
In the last few months, I've had women literally show up to a first date and casually mention they have a boyfriend while we're sitting there. After meeting me on a dating app no less? What on earth…? The flaking is on a level I've never seen and I'm talking about cancellations an hour or two before. Don't get me started on the ghosting, it's not even after a bad date anymore, it’s just the default at this point. People just sitting there, providing no input into the conversation and just expecting you to dance for them?
I don't get it. Did the social contract just completely evaporate while I was in a relationship? Is it the apps? Is it me? I didn't change, but it feels like the entire culture did. I'm genuinely curious if I'm just having an impossible run of bad luck or if everyone else is seeing this collapse of basic decency and effort. Are you guys actually seeing this too or am I just doing something fundamentally wrong now?
(as a side note, I've noticed that many real world events/parties have become targets for MLM recruiters and religion scammers)
by ExoticDeparture7855