Hi all — hoping this is okay since r/uchinanchu isn't really active.
I always knew I was part Okinawan since my paternal grandpa came from there; I thought my paternal grandmother was Japanese, and my maternal family is Japanese, so I've just said I'm Japanese. Turns out my grandmother's parents came from Okinawa, too, so I'm completely half Okinawan on my dad's side. I didn't know until the last few years that there is a distinction between being Okinawan and Japanese; my dad's side is abusive (all the adults except one aunt) and I don't hold a relationship with them, but reconnected with a cousin recently who has really been diving deep in what it means to be Uchinacnchu (that side of the family never celebrated much anyway, they very much assimilated to American culture and kinda stayed there). I feel bad that I know virtually nothing about Okinawan culture, but I'm having a hard time connecting. I feel because I don't have a relationship with that part of my family, I'm somehow not "entitled" to it. My cousin says they believe in the indigeneity, which I love that they can embrace, but I feel so disconnected that I'm not comfortable with claiming the same thing.
In what ways can others recommend connecting with culture? I've talked to my therapist about this "identity crisis", which seems like a dramatic way of describing what I'm going through, but I think it accurately depicts my torn feelings over how one half of my culture tried to erase another half, if that makes sense. I want to be proud to be both, but I need more understanding of one first. Are there any books or documentaries anyone might recommend? I've tried listening to the Ichariba Choodee podcast, but it felt hard to connect with that, too. I've been raised in only Japanese American culture my whole life, and I want to make sure I represent my cultures accurately, especially since I have a toddler who I'd love immerse in both from a young age.
Sorry if this is weird, I just literally have no where else to ask these things. Thanks in advance.
by rnnr25