I’m a 45-year-old Dutch man, and I’ve been in a relationship since 2016. We met in China and lived there together for 4 years, but things have been difficult for a while now, especially after we were separated for 450 days and only communicated over the phone. Since then, I’ve felt like my partner and I have drifted apart. I'm now in sick leave after two burnouts, and I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and autism, which makes communication even more challenging.
My partner is Japanese, introverted, and highly independent, and we've had little to no intimacy or affection lately. Despite my efforts to improve communication (like trying to fill out relationship questionnaires together), she shows little interest in working on our relationship. I often feel like a roommate rather than a partner.
One thing that confuses me is that, when we’re with friends or family, particularly when her sister and mother visited from Japan, she is affectionate and loving towards me. But when we’re alone, it feels like she pulls away, which makes me feel like I’m not being seen or valued.
I wonder if this is cultural (she’s Japanese) or if it’s something deeper within our relationship. She also has a hard time accepting criticism, which makes it hard to address these issues with her. I’m starting to feel emotionally exhausted and uncertain about the future of this relationship.
She has been living in the Netherlands since September 2021.
Has anyone else experienced similar relationship dynamics or have advice on how to approach this situation, especially considering cultural differences? How should I navigate these feelings of frustration and disconnection?
If this is not the right place, or I’ve overstepped, my apologies, and any advice is welcome. I also want to thank you for your time.
by good2Bbackagain