It's already been over a month since my mom passed and it's weighing on me that I have yet to inform our family friend in Japan. My mom's father had a college roommate (who I will be referring to as おじいさん) who was an exchange student from 名古屋. They kept in touch over the years and おじいさん came back to the U.S. a couple of times to visit with my grandfather and meet my mom and aunts as kids. For my mom's side of the family, おじいさん was someone they maybe met once, or heard about, but who they knew was a dear friend of the family.
Our extended family reconnected with おじいさん in 2019 when my cousin came and met him on a vacation to Japan. Five years later, my mom and I did the same trip together, but this time bearing the news of my grandfather's passing. おじいさん was going to host me, my mom and my brother again this year, but my mom had to inform him of her lung cancer diagnosis when we reached out this time.
She did come to Japan with my brother to visit. I had been staying in 愛知県 for three months to study at language school, and they were going to vacation with me for the week and a half that my brother and I would have spring break, before returning to the U.S. However, after the first night we met with おじいさん, my mom got too sick and had to fly home the very next day.
She passed away about two months later, in May, and my Dad and her close friends have been handling spreading the news for the most part. As I've only just reached adulthood, I have very few connections outside of those shared with my parents, and so I haven't yet had to break the news to anyone personally.
The problem is that I am the main contact between おじいさん and my mom's family after my grandfather died. It seems that if I don't tell him he won't know, and I don't feel right just not saying anything. But おじいさん is now 86 years old, and I don't want to be the source of any stress he doesn't need. My mom was like a niece to him, so it feels wrong not to tell, yet breaking the news feels like a terrifyingly daunting task. I'm unsure of how to broach the subject in English even, but I feel like it would be the respectful thing to relay the message in Japanese with the proper tact expected from an 18 year-old speaking up to an 86 year-old.
I've just gotten a pop-up while writing this that because I'm talking about language my post should go in r/translator, but I don't need advice on grammar so much as how to broach the subject respectfully in Japanese and all its cultural context. I just don't even know where to start. My mom was always the one to break any hard news, and she was amazing at it, but she's not here for this one, and I'm scared of messing up and hurting the relationship おじいさん has with her family.
TL/DR:
If anyone has experience in delivering unfortunate news in Japanese and would be willing to offer up some advice, it would be greatly appreciated. I'm struggling most with how to start a message and how to break the news gently.
by NoReflection4977