In a few days my wife and I are going to the States for 10 days. My wife has never been abroad before. She didn't own a passport until just recently. I'm feeling a little nervous about it, but it will be okay. Once I'm on that plane it'll be okay.
Although, my friends and family don't speak Japanese so I'm worried I might have to interpret everything. Just like the time I met my wife's German friend and his girlfriend.
My wife's English is low and not conversational level and she never tries to use it with me. She does occassional try to study using duolingo and the NHK kiso eigo.
Just trying to get some feed back about others who have brought their spouse to their home country. How did it go? What kinds of things made the experience easier for both of you?
by AdUnfair558
26 comments
It’s 10 days, it’s not like she’s moving there. She’ll be fine.
My wife hated all the driving we had to do in America to go anywhere and thought most of the food was too salty.
Great. We go back every year if we can. Usually for 2 weeks. It’s fine. Make sure to be extra nice to your wife and maybe dont leave her alone! Make her extra comfortable as it’s a pretty uncomfortable experience which culture shock and some language barriers.
Oh and you’ll need to translate everything otherwise she showing to be beyond bored. She will probably still be very bored but you know you have to be super extra nice. My wife is bilingual and it was still a bit dealing with culture shock the first few times. With little to no language skills you are going to have to be a superhero.
The food will be an adventure! My wife’s first US meal was at a Bob Evans. Could have fed her and both of her sisters. You might try to have a digestive aid on hand in case her stomach rebels.
She was also thrown off by how long and straight out roads can be in America. They just go on through cornfields forever.
It was also Thanksgiving when she came. Big, loud, American gatherings. Hugs and instant friends were new to her.
It’ll be interesting or see what she picks out as souvenirs. Mine brought back paper napkins and bagged tea. There’ll be a lot of little things that feel weird to her. Hope it’s a good adventure!
Keep by her side and translate as much as possible, so that she won’t feel left out. If you 放ったらかし too much, you might regret that in the future – don’t ask me how I know!
My wife has been twice back to US.. and hasn’t had any problems..she doesn’t speak much English but it wasn’t a big deal… didn’t really mind translating.. family/ friends were great
My wife was just here in my home country for about a week. At first I tried to be with her all the time but once she wS comfortable she could be left alone with my family with no issues. She’s fluent in English though.
My wife’s probably similar to yours and she’s been twice now. Both times it went fine. First time, we were there and I had to do a bunch of interpreting. But she also just went with the flow a lot and did her best to follow along. Occasionally, she’d ask me questions later, but that was about it.
There’s nothing to worry about. Your family and friends presumably know her English isn’t strong, so unless they’re total assholes, you shouldn’t have any problems.
My husband had travel experience abroad before he visited and near-fluent English at the time. I planned out everything so the trip would be predictable and run smoothly.
He loved it. We went in winter (snowy northern Midwest US) the first time for Christmas and summer the second time for our engagement/wedding party. He’s a go-with-the-flow type and both trips were like an amusement park visit for him, haha. Loved all the food, all the sights. My family adores him, so that definitely helps.
If your wife is nervous, make an itinerary of sorts to give her a heads up of what to expect/activities to get excited about.
Here’s an important advice regarding the translation:
Really make sure you translate as much as you can! If you don’t, she will feel incredibly uncomfortable and excluded and what was supposed to be a happy occasion will result in a bad experience for her.
I made the same mistake and got caught up in a conversation with my family members while my wife was sitting next to me without being able to participate even though she really wanted to. She later told me under tears how much it sucked for her and only then i realized how important this part is.
I know being the translator can be exhausting, but at least try to make an effort and maybe talk about this upfront with your wife.
Be careful ice doesn’t get her
We are in California (San Francisco) now. We spend every summer here. She loves it here but said she wouldn’t want to live here (me, too). When I met her she had already been to more states and countries than I have so she was used to being abroad.
Did you apply for her ESTA? That’s probably more important than any other thing you’re worried about.
It went better than expected. My wife speaks English fluently, and I do half the cooking at home, so she had been used to American style food for several years before the trip and didn’t have any problem with communication. The only concern I had was my 97 year old grandfather. He’s a US WW2 navy vet and participated in the battle for Okinawa, and his ship participated in bombings across kyushu (we live in, and my wife’s family is from fukuoka), and I remember hearing him say some pretty nasty stuff about the Japanese in my youth.
Turns out he loves her and regularly asks me when I can bring her to visit again. We’ve been back 2 more times to visit since the first trip in 2021.
It’s going to be tiring for you but I’m sure you’ll have fun. I remember when my wife met my father for the first time and I was returning to the living room after a few minutes. He was saying how impressed he was that she had lived in a bus in England. She had been explaining that she visited “Bath”. Many such interesting situations ensued.
i brought my partner to New York for 3 months and the only real complaint she had was that people speak too quickly for her to fully understand, so i did a lot of translation, but other than that she loved it. she was adamant that the food and weather are better and that people are nicer. depends where you go and what your partner’s sensibilities are, obviously, but in my experience all of our friends with foreign spouses love going to their partner’s home country and would rather be there than Japan
Literally just got back from the states with my wife. Exact same situation as you, she speaks very little English and had never left the country, only getting a passport a few months ago. We had a great time and she really enjoyed it, even meeting my family despite the communication. Just be sure to plan some fun things and ask if there’s anywhere she wants to go / things she wants to see and she’ll have fun I guarantee.
Brought my wife last year.
She speaks English but I’m from a Nordic country. Whilst more or less everyone speaks English if they chose to it can be overwhelming (as it was for us coming here).
Just be ready to explain things that she might not understand. Can be anything, like shopping at the supermarket.
Also, just a tip, give her some time to relax/vent after the day is over.
For example my family is super intense to be around. My wife likes them a lot but to give her an hour a day to be alone or just kind of go ”your mom talks so much” can be useful.
Mine had a rough time the first time. She spoke English fairly well at that point. Definitely well enough to talk to me or someone else one on one about familiar topics, but dealing with groups of people talking over each other was a bit much for her. People also seemed to assume that because she spoke some English she could understand absolutely everything. She broke down in tears when I accidentally left her alone with my uncle (who few English speakers can understand) for 5 minutes. So it was actually really bad for her confidence as she had to that point considered herself pretty proficient. She was much better on subsequent visits and is now totally fine.
In short, stakes are high on that first visit. It might be tempting to see everyone if you haven’t been back for a while, but I would recommend keeping things small. No parties with tons of friends and relatives. You will need to look after her all the time to make sure she feels included.
Had a great time. She met my Mum for the first time. She’d already met my Dad. He went to the local market with her one day and talked for the entire journey. I don’t think she’d ever heard anyone talk that much about anything before. She tried bread in the UK for the first time and I was finally vindicated in our ongoing row that Japanese store bread is dogshit. We go back every year if we can. We’ve been married for almost 23 years now. Don’t sweat it. Just show your wife all the cool, strange and kooky things about your hometown and have a laugh. It’ll be like seeing everything back home for the first time again.
You’re about to find out how Japan is superior in every way to 外国 through the eyes of someone who has never been abroad… have a nice trip!
Mine didn’t have a lot of English the first time either.
My advice would be to make sure your spouse has a bit of private space wherever you are staying and allow breaks whenever needed. Sometimes it can be a lot. Use jet lag as the excuse if your wife needs to retreat for a bit.
Is there a Paris Syndrome for the US?
Hardly a day goes by without OP posting in this sub about his wife, his sexless marriage, and his life…
My wife also doesn’t speak English and never tried to use it with me. We went for 2 weeks in SF, and she said she’s glad to have been born in Japan after seeing what civic center had become lol. I don’t think there’s much you can do to change your wife’s first impression, just enjoy the time there with her.
My spouse loves it. My family treats them like family, loves the food, loves that we can just drive everywhere instead of having to wait for trains and transfer, the nature and comfortable houses, the coffee. My spouse is just conversant enough in English to be able to communicate even if I’m not in the room.