I’m an American male living in Japan with my wife and seven year-old daughter, and now recently my mother in law (kinda, but it’s like 80% of the time that she’s there). Recently it has been so hot to the point that I want to leave the AC on even when nobody is in the house so I can come home to a cool house but my mother in law is not having it
I totally recognize that this is not the normal way to do things in Japan, but I did this for many years up until now with no issue. My wife is super cool about it and never complained whatsoever
To add further context, I pay all the bills, and we’re easily in the top 1% by income here in Japan, but my mother-in law who is usually at our house nowadays as she wants to be around the little one (and to be fair she helps with the kid/cooking to a crazy extent and likes doing so even though my wife tells her she doesn’t have to) apparently thinks it’s a waste of money and we should leave the AC off while out the house regardless of the temperature. She’s not rude about it….and she’s always nice…but she has like a rock solid commitment to this thing about the AC
And I don’t see a way to not go along with her without being rude because she’ll signal with her hands that we should turn it off right as we leave the house (I leave it on if she is not around etc). And now she’s got my daughter trained up in this and my daughter will actually tell me we have to turn it off…….And obviously I don’t wanna contradict grandmas teachings in front of my daughter so this is super frustrating
I have spoken to my wife about it multiple times and she has agreed it’s ridiculous (our income is several times the median in Japan) and every time says that she will talk to her mom about it, but it doesn’t seem to have changed the situation and I’m really not sure how to navigate this. I feel like in the American culture it would just be a simple conversation where I would approach my mom in law directly, but I struggle to communicate well with her (though our relationship is good as far as I can tell) and I am a bit worried about the approach
Any thoughts folks? Again, my wife has assured me multiple times that she’ll def talk to her mom and change it and says they spoke but nothing seems to happen as my mom in law keeps up with this AC stuff and still has my daughter doing it too
One more point: I am not talking about when we’re away for several days or something like that. Just when we leave the house and come back within like 8 hours or so
Any advice at all on navigating this situation and getting it turned around or at least getting more of a compromise would be greatly appreciated
by Old-Season265