RResidents in Japan

Aging Parents! Go back to home country?

  • October 25, 2025

Let me say right off the bat, I might be wrong about this.

I am Canadian and I have lived in Japan for a long time. I have children and grandchildren here. My wife is retired, cannot Speak English well and I work online. I can work anywhere in the world. But my life is here.

My siblings are saying that there is no reason why I am not going back to assist with my ailing parents. My family lives in Vancouver and my salary is not enough for my wife and I to live on there. It is just under. We will not save if I go back. But I see my sibling's point.

Have any of you had to deal with this situation? Advice is welcomed!

by Professional-Cat8914

24 comments

  1. I’m in a similar boat. I wish I had answers. But really just have similar thoughts.

  2. Yeah Vancouver was already insanely expensive 20 years ago when we lived in Seattle. You could get a roppongi hills penthouse cheaper.

    What sort of “help” though do your siblings really mean/want though? Is it come live nearby so you can take mom and dad to their doctors appointments? Or is it we want financial support or we want to write you out of any inheritance and don’t want to feel bad about it?

    And I mean is it really any different you living in Japan than it would have been if you’d moved to Montreal and had a life there?

  3. *> My siblings are saying that there is no reason why I am not going back to assist with my ailing parents.*

    Yes, you do…

    *> I have children and grandchildren here.*
    *> My wife*
    *> my life is here.*

    … are all reasons. Regardless of what your siblings think and feel about it, they are your reasons; and personally, to me, they are pretty good reasons.

  4. No reason? There are plenty. Your life is in Japan. They should have accepted that by now. It is hard but your siblings are coming across as selfish. Try to compromise by saying you will try come back visit more but be firm why you will not return.

  5. Cant your siblings help out? Why should you move (with your family) if you don’t really want to?

    You can try to visit often or maybe go back for a few months, but is there a need to move permanently? Don’t feel pressured to uproot your whole life. Although I can imagine it’s not easy

    When my grandpa and grandma were sick, my dad kept traveling (internationally) to visit them. We did not move there, and I am glad we didn’t. It was probably tough on my dad but it was best solution for all of us, and I don’t think he regrets.

  6. You have kids and grandkids and your parents are still alive?? Omg that’s so impressive

    In my opinion you have a reason not to go back and it’s that your life is in Japan and you can’t and won’t do well back in your home country, as you said yourself. Don’t know the whole story but your siblings are wrong to try to guilt you into coming back.

  8. Not on that situation yet but my parents are getting older and both are pretty much accepting of my life is in Japan. Also the politics are not great in my country so it would be me going alone while my wife and son stayed in Japan.

    Both my parents know I would be there if they really needed me there but I would.bot stay long term.

    Talk to your parents and find out what they want, not just your siblings.

  9. Your life is in Japan. And you can’t afford to live in Vancouver. That’s plenty enough reason.

  12. What are your siblings excuses for not taking care of them?

    And children/grandchildren are pretty massive reasons not to move country.

  13. This sounds like a classic case of “let’s make our pushover brother tanke care of our parents because we don’t wanna”. As others pointed out you have plenty of reasons why you can’t. Perhaps maybe make more effort to visit because you love them (your parents) but don’t move. I know you probably feel guilty about not being able to help out but it’s just not possible for you as you can’t even afford to live there.

  14. Here is
    one thing I can say from a similar experience: if you go back and make the sacrifice and help out the best you can—especially if you become the primary caretakers—you will be amazed how soon you will be taken for granted by your other siblings. (Even if they are cool people, that’s just what happens.) Weigh your decision carefully…

  15. This has been on my mind from time to time. As a Canadian living in Japan I will have to face this situation eventually as well. And I’m a single child so it seems I don’t have a choice. Wish Japan had a procedure for bringing parents over but considering the aging population problem it seems highly unlikely…

  16. As the eldest of 2 siblings, I felt pressure from myself to go back. However after speaking with my parents, they insisted that I stay wherever I wanted to because it was my life.

    It took a load off my shoulders. I visit them 2-3 times a year though. 88 years old and still going strong

  18. The reason they are asking you is because they want you to share the load.

    If that is fair or not, is your decision. Not some other Redditors’.

    That being said. Would there be any advantages or nice aspects to going back?

    Also, talking to your siblings about how a sharing arrangement would reasonably work, and how they could help you ease in considering the price differential in housing. Maybe work it out and see if it wouldn’t be more reasonable and less disruptive for you to all share in the cost of residential care or a part time helper to ease the burden on everyone.

  19. If your salary won’t be enough for you to live in Vancouver, what help would you being there offer?
    You would be in NEED of help, not in a position to OFFER it.

    While I understand your sibling’s point, it does not sound reasonable.

  20. How ailing is ailing? You could maybe go visit for a month to help and maybe even say last goodbyes

  21. Financial considerations aside, if it was me, I would go back and, together with your siblings, take care of your parents. I was in the same situation and decided that it was now my/our time (including sibling) to take care of my parents as they had taken care of us their entire life. My Japanese wife/kid completely agreed. Japan isn’t going anywhere and you can always come back. For us, it was the right decision and I have no regrets. Three months after moving back to my home country, my dad had a minor stroke and I was so glad that I was there and able to respond to the situation immediately. Apart from all this, it was nice to spend quality time with my parents, to ‘escape’ the Japan bubble for a change, to live in a more international environment (Europe for me), and to enjoy the cheaper cost of living. But I guess everyone’s situation is different.

  22. I am in this situation. Luckily, I have a sister who is single and took it upon herself to move in with my Pops after my mom died just pre-covid. This year we finally put him in a home (full dementia). My sister did yeoman’s work and still continues too (doctors and just managing the care he gets).

    I have always gone every summer for a month and try to do every little thing I can to help out while I’m there.

    But my family is here and neither of my sisters begrudge me for
    That which I’m grateful.

    Since your family seems mature and able to fend for themselves would you be open to spending 2-3 months or two trips of a month a so a year where you go help out as much as possible and relieve your siblings of the challenges? Be respite care for the main care givers?

  23. Keep in mind that people are the most important thing in life. Money can be replaced, people cannot.

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