Honestly, being pregnant in Japan has made my first experience a very depressing one. I can't rest, I can't eat what I want, people never want to give up the priority seats on the trains, my boss still won't get off my back, and while the medical system has been doing its bare minimum job, all I've done is cry after every appointment I've had for the past five months.
I've gained 10lbs since June, food prices are rising, yet my salary is low this month because of the days I've missed from being way to exhausted.
Honestly, this is so depressing and a terrible first experience. Anyone have any advice on how to fix or remedy the situation??
I'm going back to my own country soon to give birth but I don't want my experiences here to be completely bad before coming back after giving birth, it'll just make me hate coming back.
by Euneirophrenia_jp
40 comments
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people never want to give up the priority seats on the train is insane
OP, any chance of depression? A small antidepressant really helped me curb PPD during my pregnancy.
Your experience also sounds lonely and I wish you love and support in your home country.
Hilarious how ppl defend Japan here
Best to talk about these things over at r/japanlifewomen than here
Yeah the Japanese doctors told my wife she was fat and to loose weight every appointment leading up to the birth. Even though we’re just tall Americans and our baby was literally off the Japanese baby growth chart every single ultrasound. The delivery was terrible too, induced against our wishes, bullied into choices with threats of being kicked out to find another birthing center unless we do it their way. They were very nice and professional as long as you did things their way and didn’t push back. Glad it’s over
Japan is very unforgiving to pregnant women…that’s one reason why many women do not want to have kids here.
Are you in the first trimester, by any chance? That time can be ROUGH, especially if you have food aversions and nausea. Add the hormones on top of that and it’s a really difficult time.
The good news is that a mentality shift might help in the short term— each day is different. I had some of my worst days backed up against days when I felt like myself again. If you can get outside for a quick walk, even just 10m, to reset when you feel terrible, I highly recommend it. Other than that, sleep when you need to, eat what you can even if it’s not 100% healthy, and ask for a seat if you need it.
It’s really hard being pregnant here (even with a big belly, folks wouldn’t give up the priority seat), but do what you can to make your life easier. Happy to support over DM if it helps 🙂 I just delivered here so I get it.
Cue a hundred men telling OP why they’re wrong.
New dad here.
I’m sorry, pregnancy is insane and practically no one gets it unless they’ve gone through pregnancy themselves. Non-parents aren’t in that headspace, and everyone’s pregnancies are so different. You need other moms. Other people recommended loved ones, so I’ll try to recommend other things.
My first recommendation is try to **join as many japan facebook groups as possible** (the Mom Winter 2025/Spring 2026 baby groups). They’re super valuable, even if you don’t meet up with them. Having other moms in the thick of it with you in Japan is super useful, you’ll get way more support there. My wife made some mamatomos there and they still meet up. You’ll get good recommendations.
My other recommendation is you have to do everything you can to manage your thoughts during this process. I remember being *enraged* and aggressive on the train if someone did not give up their seat (most of the time they did!). It really ate at me and at some point I realized letting my fear of lack of control take focus over the excitement of the pregnancy.
I am _not_ saying to 我慢 through it, I’m just saying do whatever you can that you need in that moment (ice cream, video games, cry all day) and try to let everything else be a tomorrow problem. Whatever you can safely offload till later, do it then.
—
Congrats, even though maybe it doesn’t feel too celebratory right now. I just tucked 2 year old in for bed. It will be worth it. I hope the rest of your pregnancy and birth go safe and healthy.
Unfortunately, the only way to remedy the situation is to invest in someone who can better navigate the language and cultural barrier situation.
I see that you had trouble picking a clinic or a hospital: it’s possible that your hospital inevitably ended up being against your needs. When I was first picking a hospital, my husband shopped around for one that matched my requirements – minimal interventions, etc. This took prior knowledge and language skills I didn’t have (I’m proficient in Japanese and can read fine, but I didn’t know different birthing center situations and terminology at all, so he did the hard work for me.)
Basically due to this, I’ve had a very different experience – people around me are mostly kind and understanding, and the hospital I go to for appointments is fitting my needs. Granted, they still try to push the weight gain chart on me…. And because I’m proficient enough in Japanese, I’m able to just go “I’m not concerned about that, I’m following a western weight gain timeline that better matches my genetic background.” They have been pretty accepting of this. (Then again, I admit that I have the privilege of being a pretty average BMI, and I feel like the prejudice against heavier people would make this situation harder….)
This isn’t to say your problems aren’t real – they are. They are incredibly and frustratingly common, especially for foreigners. (The train seat situation is just all around awful… I’ve heard some real horror stories from Japanese people on that as well)
I can’t say it’ll get better, but I will say that if you want advice instead of just ranting (and ranting is a very valid reaction here) then your best bet is to bring a hard-headed Japanese speaking friend with you to appointments. I’m assuming it’s quite late to switch hospitals/clinics at this stage, so you’re going to have to bank on someone who can talk back to the doctor for you to establish a more even footed repertoire.
I agree with you that it’s Japan-specific; at the very least, most of my current issues (I’m in my second trimester) seem Japan-specific.
Upon reflection, I’ve realized my biggest challenges are:
1. Guidelines in my home country vs guidelines in Japan are very different; however, Japanese cuisine is so different from my home country’s cuisine. This leads me to not being able to eat 50% of foods in Japan, such as:
– bentos, onigiris, konbini sandwiches, etc. (no “ready to eat” foods)
– any food with raw or runny eggs (no raw eggs)
– sushi & any meats that aren’t cooked through (no raw fish, no undercooked meats, etc.)
– salads (no pre-made salads, sometimes no raw vegetables you haven’t washed yourself)
– even ramen because it could have raw or undercooked sprouts & vegetables
Due to this, I’ve developed severe food anxiety. I question everything I put in my mouth, including fruits and vegetables I wash at home.
2. Although medical care is much cheaper here than in my home country, and I can go to the OBGYN whenever I want pretty easily, the prenatal care seems so… rudimentary. The hospital refuses to give me test results online or over the phone, I can’t get prescriptions online, I can only talk to doctors in-person (except a very few clinics that offer video consult), etc. I was shocked when during my last blood draw, I asked if they’d call if there’s anything wrong with my test results; they said no, I’ll find out at my next appointment (4 weeks later) or I can schedule an appointment earlier if I want my test results earlier. Like what? I’m still wondering if I misunderstood them.
I’m also used to, in my home country, getting a paper copy after each ultrasound documenting heartbeat, baby’s measurements, doctor’s notes, etc. I’m also used to having an online portal where I can track my test results, health history, etc. Nothing like that here; just some ultrasound photos with the bare minimum information.
3. Language barrier is hard. I can speak Japanese very well and my partner is Japanese, but I still don’t think I am able to comfortably and confidently go to my appointments. This may be more of a personality thing, because I’ve never been very good at speaking up and advocating for myself, but I know for a fact that I’d be so much more comfortable talking to a doctor who is fluent in English, or at least one that makes an effort to be friendly, patient, understanding, etc. (which I don’t think is very common in Japan).
Edited some sections for clarity.
Edit 2: Oh, and also hygiene. Everything in Japan, at least in Tokyo, feels ickier. I can barely bring myself to sit on the JR train seats anymore. Trash, pests, bugs, people coughing in your face, people not washing their hands after going to the bathroom, restaurants with questionable hygiene standards, etc. I miss the beautiful, clean, spacious suburbs in my home country. (Sorry, this is pretty much a rant – I can’t leave Tokyo, although I desperately want to, because of my partner’s job.)
I’ve personally cried on the train when someone blatantly ignored me so I couldn’t get a seat during my 2nd trimester. Feel free to pm me if you want someone to chat to, I was also pregnant and had my baby in Japan (milispouse) and had a rough go of it myself.
OP has already said that she is heading back to her home country to give birth.
For those that plan to stay in Japan to give birth, you should know that the law protects you from being fired or demoted for being pregnant, OR (importantly for people on yearly contracts) from having your contract NON-RENEWED.
The law is written very clearly on this in English:
https://www.mhlw.go.jp/content/000497318.pdf
and in Japanese:
https://www.mhlw.go.jp/content/000497322.pdf
Companies try to avoid following these laws because breaking the law is cheaper. I have successfully been able to fight companies that attempt to break these laws. Feel free to contact me if you need help and I can let you know what worked for me.
No wonder the birthhrate is declining
Honestly girl, you have to play up the pregnancy something fierce and get a little assertive around people. This is *your* body and *your* baby, and we all know that your boss, doctor, midwife, and jerk at the subway is going to try and be chauvinistic towards you. So you got to bite back a little.
You need time off work because of your morning sickness or maybe something is going wrong? – you tell the boss you’re taking paid sick leave. You’re not asking for it, you’re *telling* him. If he has a problem with it then you should go to HR.
If your midwife or doctor calls you overweight tell them they must not be familiar with how pregnancies work, if they suggest medical care you disagree with give them a firm *No!*.
When you’re in your third trimester and think you’re gonna burst in the subway, make it clear you need the space around you, stretch yourself out if people are on top of you. I’m saying this because it seems native Japanese people can be pretty clueless unless you exaggerate or play up your pregnancy.
And I want to say, I’m not recommending starting to be a jerk back to people, but you’ve got to start setting firm boundaries with people and making those new boundaries clear. You’re a mother now and you have to reevaluate your boundaries with everyone around you and keep your baby safe.
That means what people think they can get away with from you, they can’t do that to you anymore because you have an extra mouth to feed now, you need the extra support and they have an obligation and duty to provide that to you.
Giving birth in Japan 0/10. Raising kids in Japan 10/10. Im so happy you are heading home to give birth because the trauma of giving birth in Japan gave me mega post natal depression. Like normal PND but with the extra mega.
The lack of support from the government, labor laws in this country towards pregnant women are abysmal considering their moaning about the birth rate. Doctor vouchers and cute little leaflets won’t fix the core issue.
Why would your salary be less? Do you not get paid vacation time?
If your job/boss is treating you like crap for being pregnant, then you should think about suing. Japanese law prohibits mistreatment of pregnant staff members through various protections, including the prohibition of dismissal, demotion, or disadvantageous treatment due to pregnancy
Employers are legally required to protect pregnant workers by allowing them to take leave and request lighter duties, and they cannot deny them or treat them unfairly because of their pregnancy.
This is a very Japan specific problem. This is a culture of apperiences not of heart. A Japanese friend’s foreign wife put it eloquently “He is polite but not kind” and that is the curx of it. I just dropped of a Japanese hitchhiker I picked up at Shizuoka SA he was stuck there for 2 days. Go back to your country and raise your child there you don’t want him/her to become like these people.
People are awful here especially in Tokyo . I think we all understand why Japanese don’t want children.
Even though I’m from the third world, we still give up seats and sometimes even beat up those who don’t . I just don’t get Japanese people man.
And they wonder why the birth rate is declining…. I gave birth in Japan and I don’t recommend it at all. From the weight gain bullying to the medieval times medical care… just don’t
Bruh every time I start falling in love with this country again I am reminded of this rtrdd cnt who elbowed my wife on the train when she was pregnant.
Tell me how I can’t generalize when this country is all about “collective thinking”..
おもてなしmy ass
I surprised why people don’t provide priority seats to pregnant women even if you have a maternity badge .They don’t even look .
My wife got a doctor’s note to work from home during bad morning sickness. Of course this has to be something your work allows. But it made things easier for her.
OP, I am so sorry for your experience. I am a father of two, both born in Japan, and I remember my wife experiencing similar problems when pregnant. She worked at Uniqlo. Her boss treated her awfully while pregnant. I tried to be there to support and lead as I could during the process, going to doctor visits together, the various classes the hospital offered, etc etc.
My advice is make sure your husband is involved, every single damn step of the way. If you’re alone. Find support groups, as mentioned, Facebook or wherever else they’re available. Find your circle. You’ll get through it, and maybe even have a positive experience in the end if you find your support. I hope for the best for you.
This is why the Japanese birth rates are dwindling. Either Japan needs to step up and show its citizens/residents it could take care of them, or they will never have folks that want to give birth, and the history and traditions will die off with the old population which is really sad but it will be Japan’s doing
I think every situation is different. Some of my friends who’ve had kids here say they felt so safe and supported while others have described it as a hellish experience.
Definitely work on your support system and lean on them. Reddit is fine but it’s not a safe space and even the kindest people are not always able to offer any decent advice so it might make you feel more helpless.
I really hope it gets better for you.
We just went through our first pregnancy and it was in Japan
Some things are certainly difficult but other things are pretty nice. In particular, the govt aid and the week in the hospital post birth. It really feels like you’re cared for and getting your tax dollars worth.
Are you pregnant solo? I can imagine that being rough. We’re fortunate enough that my wife doesn’t have to work so that made it easier on her.
The complaints about weight from the docs here were so frustrating. My wife gained very little weight for most of the pregnancy then it started skyrocketing the last couple of weeks and that caused some issues because it scared a doctor and we had to change to a very expensive hospital last minute. Anyway, nurses and midwives kept giving the don’t eat too much carbs, exercise, etc. etc. and we said hey look, nothing has changed in her diet or activity level. This is all pregnancy and edema related chill tf out. And they’d insist it was body fat and she’s just getting fat while pregnant because here they want you to lose body weight while pregnant so that your weight at the start of your pregnancy is the same weight when you give birth ( YESTHEY REALLY TOLD US THAT).
Anyway, within 2 weeks of giving birth, once everything was correcting, my wife’s weight dropped to lower than before the pregnancy and is holding steady over a month later. Long story short, things are different here and not all doctors are the best but there certainly are ups and downs.
Try to get them priority seats, make sure you’re showing off your pregnancy keychain, and hang in there. Especially if you are still early pregnancy and a foreigner people might just not realize you’re pregnant. A lot of people also just don’t realize how physically taxing the first trimester is. My wife and I were bost shocked by how bad it was. Luckily it got better in second and first half of third , but the start and the end are both pretty bad. Anyway, point being, assert yourself if you feel comfortable and make sure your pregnancy tag is clearly visible. There’s a lot of hormonal changes going on in your body to make things feel even worse. Be careful about your mental health girl. And trust me, the baby will make it all worth it.
Stay save ❤️
I’m sorry to hear this, but I agree with those that say that there’s a reason why birth rates are low in Japan. If you think you’ll be happier in your home country and the care they have there is better, perhaps in the short term that’s better for your well being? Stress isn’t good for you, and unfortunately Japan is still very much patriarchal, and has a long way to go to do right for its women. Even the new PM, despite being female, doesn’t really seem to support working women, so it’s likely not going to turn around as quickly as we’d like.
You’re lucky to have the choice to go home for better care if that’s available to you.
Their birth rate is low for a reason, I think
About the seats on trains…when I was big enough to make an impact I’d waddle over an unsuspecting person on their phone in the priority seating area, kind of bump into them enough so they look up, then gesture for them to get out so I can sit. As long as it did it in one swoop with confidence, it worked pretty well, hehe.
Yeah, people were terrible about priority seating though.
I’m due in a few weeks and I feel you deeply. The whole hoikuen situation infuriates me like I’ve never been, and then there are outdated medical advice, priority seat issues, ridiculous gender stereotyping for me, my husband and the baby, no one understanding what body autonomy means… the list goes on and on. I actually started a blog in Japanese about my pregnancy because I had to let my anger out there. As a Japanese myself I have grown a lot of resentment towards my country but pregnancy really really hit me hard. There was a college student talking to her friend on a train yesterday, who went on and on about how cold she found British people to be compared to Japanese people during her exchange programme. I almost jumped in their conversation and told them if I were in UK, someone must have offered me a seat by then.
I must say I also like to see the positive side too, if not only to keep me sane. Reading pregnancy subs where majority of posters are in US does make me appreciative of parental leave schemes here. Taking maternity leave since 34 weeks has been one of the best things in my life, and my husband gets to take a paternity leave longer than mine thanks to the recent trend to encourage men taking leaves. But of course, if these legal rights are actually protected or not depends heavily on each work place, and I’m aware my husband and I are the very lucky ones.
Some of the comments that got deleted by the mods is what makes me sick about this sub sometimes. The other day saw someone getting victim blamed for being chikan’d on the train for not speaking up with hundreds of upvotes, like what the fuck? Why are there so many people here devoid of empathy?
Then Japan wonders why people don’t make children lol
It seems to depend on the area you’re in because I had a great experience being pregnant despite a very rough/tough pregnancy. I’m from America and have been here for 10yr and I can’t even imagine being pregnant in the states. The way pregnancy, prenatal care, birth and motherhood are treated over there, made me vow to never be pregnant in the states. Japan was a much safer option for me.
As for the priority seats, use your voice! I was offered a seat often but any time I wasn’t, I asked and was always given it with no argument. Those seats are meant for us (I’m 7wk PP with my baby) so you’re allowed to throw your figurative weight around.
Japan isn’t perfect by any means so I understand the frustration. You’re dealing with a ton of hormones and sometimes a shift in perspective does wonders.
I gave up my seat for a pregnant passenger on a train in Tokyo. Everyone looked at me doing it. I found it odd that it was looked at so much. As if I was doing an odd gesture. That’s when I realized oh they wouldn’t do this- damn.
Sorry you’re having a bad experience. Me and my wife had two kids, 30 years ago, and my son’s wife just gave birth a year ago. My general impression is, Japan is an amazing place when it comes to pregnancy, with good prenatal care (although they don’t have the concept of prenatal vitamins here), and you get to stay for a week in the hospital while you recover, eating French food and learning about your new baby. Than the city you live and gives you ¥300,000 for free to thank you for adding to their population and to help defer cost costs.
My sense is that your frustrated at other things not related to being pregnant in Japan? Inflation and people not giving up their seat seem peripheral.
I’m so sorry OP and so many have had such a poor experience here. This is not to take away from what anyone else went through, just for another perspective for women who may be wanting to have children here- I had a wonderful pregnancy and birth here in Japan. I don’t live in Tokyo, or any major city for that matter, we’re in a fairly inaka part of Kansai. I’m also overweight, and even got to obese during my pregnancy on the BMI scale. I’m 7 weeks postpartum now and all of that weight and more has already fallen off, so it was all baby.
I was luckily never shamed for my weight, though I was made to go to a big Red Cross hospital instead of the fancy birth clinic I’d wanted, but that was for concern of any complications that may arise bc of the increased risk from my weight. Only one doctor at the big hospital ever scolded my weight gain, and I had a different doctor almost every prenatal appointment. Most of the doctors/midwives/nurses were very kind and always said how cute our baby looked over sonogram or laughed with us when baby hid his sex for the first 6 months lol.
In my first trimester I was still working as an ALT and all (7) of my schools and my co-teachers were incredibly kind, understanding, and caring. I went back to my home country to visit in the second trimester and all the JAL staff treated me like freaking royalty. My local city hall where we registered our birth and took a parenting class were amazing and supportive. My husband is a JTE and is able to take 6 months of paternity leave (he could actually take up to a year, but we’ve decided on the 6 months for now).
I will say on the rare occasion I took a train when my mom was visiting and we went to Osaka, during the day time trains I never had a problem getting a priority seat, but on the way home (an hour long journey, no transfers) the priority seats were all taken by young to middle aged men and all of them avoided eye contact or even openly scowled at me for standing in front of them with my 7 month pregnant bump and pregnancy badge hanging off my bag at their eye level. Looking back, I wish I’d just had the guts to ask them to let me sit down. I think it would’ve embarrassed them if I had been more direct and I regret not doing so.
My birth and postpartum stay at the hospital was incredible, too! Thankfully I had a very uncomplicated birth, and the staff took amazing care of me and baby, even after I was a kind of a bitch during birth because I was unmedicated (by choice) and touched out from all the monitoring and checks deep in my 30 hours of labor lol.
Had more people shoulder me in Japan since becoming noticeably pregnant than I’ve ever had in my life. Had a man in a suit give me a disgruntled look and kick me when I sat in the priority seats. In my daily commute I’ve probably actually only used the priority seats 10 times due to men and boys on their phones. One time I actually passed out on the train due to low blood pressure, was literally the only time I’ve been offered a seat (baby is okay btw)
So I feel you sister. My Japanese workplace also tried really hard to terminate my contract so they didn’t have to accommodate me before being slapped down and told it was blatant gender/pregnancy discrimination. Can’t wait to get out of Japan.
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