Backstory:
I met some delegates from Japan at an international forum in 2023 and have stayed friends with them since then. Recently, we were hanging out and the conversation turned into casual locker-room talk. Everyone shared their “losing virginity” stories. One Japanese guy said that because his girlfriend didn’t want to have physical relationship yet, he lost his virginity at a brothel instead. We asked if his girlfriend knew about it, and he said yes, and that this is quite common in Japan.
I then asked GPT about this, and it said that while Japan does have a large and socially visible red light industry, this kind of situation is not truly “common” or normal for most couples. Some men do view paid sex as a transactional service rather than emotional cheating, and a small number of couples may accept it under specific circumstances but this varies a lot, depending on the personal boundaries.
Some other forums claim that this is significantly more common in Japan compared to other countries. What do you all think? Is this actually true, or is it being exaggerated?
by Alpha6342
10 comments
Last I checked paying for penetrative sex was illegal.
[deleted]
I only lived in Osaka for a year so take everything I say with a grain of salt, although I do live near the entertainment district and have to go near the red light district fairly often.
I don’t think it’s any more normalised compared to other countries buttt some people have different takes on what other countries would consider cheating.
Having sex with escorts (or prostitutes, whatever you want to call them) is not necessarily frown upon as it is seen as a transactional. It’s the escort’s job and you’re paying for a service similar to a plumber, except the service they offer is sex. But if you catch feelings for the escort, then you’re on the chopping block.
From what I was told by my part time job boss, this sort of thinking is less common as you mentioned. Nowadays, it’s less likely for you to find a couple that have this kind of arrangement
By the way, intercourse is considered prostitution and that’s actually illegal but it’s not gonna stop people, as is other countries and they’re gonna find loopholes everywhere.
I wouldn’t say “normalized” as like with every country, there are many different opinions. Classic penetrative sex is illegal in Japan but they get around this with other services. There are red light districts and even “delivery health” services. They even have a magazine of the local providers in love hotel rooms.
But again, some people use it and some don’t. Japan has an interesting relationship with sex, love, and prostitution.
It’s not just Japan. I have two friends, an Australian and New Zealander, who at one time told me this about themselves (we were in Thailand, so it’s sorta applicable).
They’re now married and every time I see them they somehow remind me I promised not to tell their wives.
It is fairly normalized. [About half of men admit to using commercial sex services](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11347242/). I have seen coworkers visit the red light district together. People older than me tell me stories how it used to be normal for managers to pay for girls for their subordinates on special occasions.
Many girls do not see visiting a prostitute as cheating, but that may be starting to change with the younger generation.
Prostitution is technically illegal, but the only act forbidden by law is penetrative vaginal sex (other acts can be freely advertised). What this means in effect is that brothel insists they don’t offer the service, and the girl takes money under the table from it.
There are areas in the country with unique exemptions that are allowed to have full-on prostitution, such as [tobita Shinchi](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tobita_Shinchi)
After reading some articles, forums now, and even asking GPT, i found out that Japanese men are open to marring adult workers. To be honest, in is not heard of in my region but i am quite happy for those who get a new life.
According to these forums, it is uncommon and often socially sensitive but such marriages do happen (extremely small percentage), usually after the woman has left the industry.
FWIW the whole “it’s transactional so it’s ok” argument was quickly and sternly dismissed by my Japanese wife. 🤣🤣🤣
Definitely more normalized then most countries I have lived in. never used it myself, but I can see it might become a more attractive option the older I get. I was at a work get together once, about 20 guys in their 20s to 40s, and the topic came up and someone asked how many had used a sexual service. About half said yes.
I believe that is a very rare case. Generally speaking, depending on the nature and frequency of the act, it can be a cause for a breakup or divorce.
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