RResidents in Japan

I left home, lost my marriage, my job, and I’m still standing somehow

  • January 3, 2026

Today is 3rd January, and tomorrow is my birthday. 

I am the youngest among my siblings, and my family has pampered me so much my whole life. My life completely changed when I came to Japan. Sometimes I wish I had stayed back home and lived my life to the fullest and somedays I tell myself that it is a test of my life which will make me more strong in life, but recently things started to become too hard so when I say these to keep myself positive I also think of this other question that “how much more stronger does a girl needs to be? Was it all necessary? I mostly brush it off by thinking of course I need to be strong so that nobody ever can put me in a situation where I would lose myself again. So it's basically gonna be a very sad birthday because my husband wants me dead, I applied for the visa status change so that I can be independent but it's about to be 3months this week and there is no response from them. I lost my job too, so I don't have a job and I do not speak Japanese either. I highly believe in the multiverse theory so when I get super sad I feel that there is a version of me where I stayed back home and that version never regrets coming to Japan and there is another version of me who got the job visa and she is already doing the job and living her life. I am happy with both of these versions so does with mine as I do not have any other options so I choose to stick to my goal. I don’t know what I’m looking for here, just needed to say this somewhere. If anyone has been through something similar, I’d appreciate hearing from you. Cheers to another year. Happy New Year 😁

by Happy_Paramedic_734

43 comments

  3. I wish you a happy birthday followed by happier birthdays! You are eloquent and self aware. Those strengths will take you to peace happiness and prosperity. Good luck!

  4. you can always leave girlypop. sometimes the bravest thing you can do is give up.

    edit: happy birthday!

  5. I have been in a similar situation. My job, my marriage, and my apartment all went away over a pretty short time. It sucks. Nothing I can say can make it suck less. You’ve heard all the platitudes. You probably even know they are mostly true. They don’t help. You just have to keep going and come out on the other side.

    > I wish I had stayed back home and lived my life to the fullest

    FWIW, living life to the fullest doesn’t mean living life on easy mode. It never feels that way when you are going through them, but the hard times often end up being, or leading to, the most fulfilling ones.

    I hope you have a (kind of) Happy Birthday.

  8. I’m not trying to sound like the “pack it up crew” but you’re allowed to go home girl, don’t sunk cost fallacy the situation.

    You can’t speak Japanese, don’t have a job, and seeing your post history you just escaped an abusive spouse. One reason why I came to Japan is because I just had a lot of baggage back home in Canada and needed a fresh start. Maybe returning to your family for awhile and finding yourself again and a new path will help you clear your mind.

    Being alone and idle with 0 support and unable to communicate with those around you is an incredibly toxic situation for your health, both physical and mental.

  9. Happy birthday! I know that this year will be amazing for you. Some doors close so that others open. You will always have opportunities and chances in life because you’ll always have yourself 🫂 it will be a big year for you! I can feel it.

  10. Not the same thing but we’ve been through a lot last year. Needed to quit my job without back up, lost all of our savings, and so on. I was thinking the same thing. Why, how, what will happen, what about my family and so on. Then I got the biggest good news of my life after 7 months of being miserable. Somehow I saw things, reasons why everything happened. Now I understand why it needed to happen first. Rain will come first before the rainbow, and the reasons are hidden but magical, like the myth that there is a treasure at the end of the rainbow. I wish you can find it too, hang in there, don’t lose hope, find something to hold on to. If you can’t find anything or anyone, then hold on to yourself and believe that one day, you’ll just laugh about it.

    Cheers and happy new year and advance happy birthday

  11. After tomorrow would be the day that my dear wife packed her stuff, emptied all bank accounts and left with kids 2 years ago. Accused me of DV up to the point I had to explain to police. And it’s been a divorce court hell since then 😖

    Immigration doesn’t help either, giving just 6 month extensions every single time even though I run a business here. I have to question myself why the hell am I paying all those taxes 😂

    Haven seen my kids since then, just send christmas and birthday presents to her father’s address.

    But what are you gonna do. Happy Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Birthday tomorrow! This year will be better, right!? (insert Padme meme) At least with every decision we create a new version of ourselves that is definitely happier. So maybe this time it’s going to be this version of you 💜

  12. Hey my birthday is the 4th as well. I moved back home and I didnt regret it at all. I still go back every other year on trips. Its not the end.

  13. Wishing you all the best. If you’d like someone to chat with just to kill time drop me a message!

  14. Life is never a straight line. If you think it is for others, you haven’t zoomed in close enough. It’s a constant chain of adjustments. As you get older and experienced, you learn to make them sooner and faster to avoid catastrophic situations.

    The point being really, the sooner you see yourself as just like everyone else rather than an exception, the sooner you’ll get back on track with your life.

  16. it seems living in Japan is not going well for you. it seems to me going back home might be the best option here. if someday you have a solid ground you could try to come back. if no job, and no language skill and out of bad relationship. seems just many of the connections are already broken. Is it worth fixing it or building new ones? might be, but probably not. just consider this. success is not about having no failures; it’s about learning from failures and moving on.

  17. So many “you’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole” replies to this person who’s obviously having a hard time. I hope you all get the same kindness you refuse to give smh.

  18. Sometimes universe gently pushes you in a right direction and it’s wise not to fight it, but look for the easier path to happiness. You only have so much mental and physical resources for all your life and most of all – time is limited. Struggle against windmills is not the badge of honor, it’s irrational and sometimes harmful to yourself.

    If I were you, I’d pack my things and go back to the country where I can at least not worry about trivial matters such as language, while I’m trying to heal and re-establish myself in life. Japan is not going anywhere and frankly it’s even more pleasant as just tourist destination.

  19. I didnt go through anything similar like that but I like your thoughts with the multiverse…I guess it can be comforting? I have a disability so I was pampered a lot from my “family” and Im struggling to be really independent. Still I came to Japan, but sometimes I think it would have been better to stay home or I try to imagine what a version of me would be like with a normal eyesight and more confidence and independence.

    Im not sure what happened with you and your husband but that sounds so extreme???? I hope you are ok T^T and I keep my fingers crossed that they will reply to you soon regarding your visa changes. Maybe you can try applying for teacher jobs? I heard thats a good way to get a work visa…?

    But I would say there would be nothing wrong in going back to your home and see how it is there? Maybe a break from Japan will help – though I am not sure how the visa situation would be if you decide to come back.

    Still, Happy Birthday!!

  21. Why are there so many cruel comments here? Why are you guys so bitter?

    Op. Also been through a lot this year, with my own relationship falling apart. Best of luck to you. Keep on keeping on. This too shall pass.

  22. Just remember, if and when you leave for another life outside Japan for awhile Japan will still be there if you want to go back.

  23. Keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the stars.

    Belated Happy Birthday and Happy New Year, OP.

  26. You got this, girl! I’m rooting for you. We’re kinda on the same boat and I keep telling myself that life will always throw curve balls our way not to deterrent our values and self-worth but to test how much grit do we have and how willing are we to swim through adversities to keep ourselves afloat and with God’s grace we get to have the life we dream of. So never give up. May this 2026 will be in your favor. If you believe in prayers. I’ll pray for you. 🙂　HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

  27. Sending you love and hope, yes it’s hard out there right now. These violent shakes in your universe will allow you to be stronger and strangely you will value the little things or wins in life. You are a fighter, and need to just get back up and dust yourself off. Success is never served on a silver platter.

  28. Thanks for sharing your situation and know that I care. I think cultivate your relationships with people here who do care about you. Have tea with them, share your fears and dreams and good people can help you build a pathway that leads somewhere better. What I wouldn’t do is to spend much time looking for community online- it’s a pale shadow of the rich real world outside.

  29. I’m a little confused. You say you don’t speak Japanese. But in a previous post you recounted translating for another battered woman at the police station. That would require you to speak Japanese to a reasonable extent.

  30. This is what a pampered life leads to. You dont understand the ramifications until you’re well into adulthood. However, choosing the challenging path can correct a lot of it. Stick with the challenges.

  31. Been in a similar spot before. You seem to have a lot of doubts, aimless, in the past, wondering what if. The best advice I can give you is to be decisive and never look back. Decide and follow the path. You will save years of your life this way. Limbo is in a similar category to death, its nothingness

  34. I feel your pain. I find myself in a similar situation, or soon will be. Visa expiring and marriage headed to divorce. I will probably lose most of everything I own. It will be difficult but I know it will be better in the long run. Hang in there. You’re still standing and you’ll get stronger day by day

  35. My Japanese teacher recommended 嫌われる勇気 (The Courage to be Disliked) so I started listening to the audiobook yesterday. It raises some interesting points like Adler’s theory of motivation, and the you-choose-your-own-adventure teleology thingy from Ancient Greece.

    Whether you want to believe in a higher power/self or just go through life as is, you are here now and you have survived these experiences. I’m sure you have learned some valuable lessons that you can use for the future.

    Opportunity cost and the sunk cost fallacy will pop up from time to time to torment you a bit, but you could never know what would have happened if you had made different choices so there is not much value in overthinking about what’s in the past (unless you can hack through the gate).

    Here is to a great 2026!

  36. My only advice is, do not mistake completing a goal that has no benefit to you just for the sake of it for being stubborn. I don’t really know your situation but not being able to speak the language is a huge handicap. So unless you truly love Japan or have a huge interest for making a life here for any reason (like it being super safe) I’d really think hard about why I’m doing it (staying in Japan) and then go from there.

  37. After 15 years living here and eight years of marriage, I learned I was losing my teaching job on the same day my wife filed our divorce. Not gonna lie, if I didn’t have children with my ex-wife here, I most likely would’ve gone home to live with my mom and work at Taco Bell or something. As is, i’m glad to have made it through a couple tough years without decent work. I’m thankful to have now found a job that’s at least less stressful than teaching was, and seeing my kids is my greatest joy. My ability to stay here is less complicated than yours might be, since I have permanent visa. I’m not sure how to advise you since everyone’s situation is different. I’m from The States and I never had a clue what to do for work there—plus the cost of living just seems insane. Still, I really miss my friends and family, and stuff like the food and live music. I find this country terribly lonely.

  38. I’ve read this beautiful advice somewhere on gram. It says something along the lines of “no matter how happy or sad you are, don’t let the feelings carry on more than 24 hours”. This means when you’re feeling good you don’t become full of yourself. Likewise, when you’re sad you don’t feel like your world has ended. But there’s also another meaning that I found. In that 24 hours, fully enjoy and accept those feelings. Because you will have a new blank page to write for the next day (assuming not dead yet). I know this sounds cringe but at least it helped me to cope from all the shits happens in my life.

  41. Happy birthday. I hope there is something you can do for yourself, no matter how small, to make the day special for you.

  42. I like to think of the multiverse every time I have a near miss. I assume there’s another universe where things went to shit and I’ve just shifted to the one I’m currently in.

    The thing is that you’ll never know if you’re in the best universe or the worst universe until you can see the big picture. Here’s hoping, despite how things look right now, that the best is still to come <3.

  43. We share the same birthday!
    Don’t worry about the mean comments, they don’t understand what you’ve been through and that’s okay, it’s your story to tell. You’re gonna get through this, and one day you’re gonna look bad and think “damn i really went through all that” and suddenly you realise you’re stronger than ever and nothing can break you.
    See this as a growing opportunity, a test from the universe if you will. Who knows, maybe one of you in the multiverse is going through an even tougher situation. Life can always be lived, no matter the circumstance, hard or easy.
    You can always choose to go home and live life comfortably/easier, it’s your choice anyways and who cares if someone is saying you took the easy way?
    And Happy Birthday birthday twin 💗I’m rooting for you!

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