Proposing in Japan as an American – Do I need the father’s permission first?

Hello everyone,

I’m an American planning to propose to my Japanese girlfriend in the next few months, and I’d really appreciate some advice on how this typically works in Japan.

We’ve talked seriously about getting married, but I still want the proposal itself to be a surprise. I did some research and learned that in Japan it’s common to formally ask the family for permission to marry. Following that, I recently sent a respectful message to her father about my intentions, but I haven’t received a response yet.

In the U.S., it’s common to ask the father for permission before proposing, and that conversation usually happens before the proposal itself. I’m a bit unsure if the same order applies in Japan, or if it’s acceptable to propose first and then formally ask the family afterward.

So my questions are:

Is it necessary to get the father’s permission before proposing?

Is it okay to propose first and then go through the formal family process?

Any cultural advice or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond — I really appreciate it.