I've been married to my Japanese wife for less than a year, and we have a 5 month old daughter. We dated for two years, then she got pregnant and everything happened very quickly…. Marriage and moving together. I know I should have been more careful, but it is what it is.
I love my daughter very much, but my relationship with my wife is toxic. Now that we're living together, we're seeing each other's true selves and have realized that we're not a good match. We're no longer happy.
She focus too much on the baby like a helicopter mom, is overprotective and doesn't give any freedom to our baby. For example if the baby turns around, she puts her back on her back all the time. I would just leave the baby trying their first steps and discover many things by her own but she is scared. Also the amount of milk is not increasing because she tends to give up soon when the baby rejects. Her weight and the amount of milk is worrying me… She is not breastfeeding and give formula.
She also never do house chores. I do everything. Cleaning the house, cooking and so on. She is the only child from a rich parents and got spoiled a lot (always wearing brand stuffs like LV, Prada etc.) She is wasting resources like using a lot of soap, toilet paper, water and so on, turn lights on even it's daytime (sorry I am from Germany and was taught to be eco-friendly and save resources lol), then she doesn't know how to clean toilettes etc because she never did it before (at her house some company comes and clean the house). She has no common sense and never tidy up but complain when I put the baby spoon on the table because it gets dirty and is dangerous for the baby. I'm a very relaxing person but she takes care of so many things, it is so annoying. Anyways this is the least problem and I can deal with it, it's just we fighting every day almost… Our personality, values and lifestyle just don't fit. But it is too late to realize.
I admit, I get mad too and have high temper. I like to discuss and talk (I'm from Germany) and speak things directly. When I say something, like can you do this or that or please be more careful and clean a bit after you used this and that, she always get mad. We can't have proper discussion. She is often annoyed and in bad mood and throw things around. I can't deal with this anymore. I should have made a cut earlier but it is too late now. Since we are living together, everything is going downhill.
I am thinking to leave Japan and go back to Germany. We don't have any free time anymore. She is not working now and I am working alone and have to support her with everything. She has no income unfortunately and her parents won't give any money, so all expenses are deducted from my bank account. I'm not rich but we don't need to care about what we buy but damn being responsible alone for the finances is tough… And I can't focus on my work and afraid to fail at performance review… Effectively I am working 4-5 hours out of 8 to look for the baby. Man we are sleep deprived. Can't even focus on my work… but that's not the problem because I love our daughter so much and wants the best for her but being in an unhappy marriage is giving me depression. I can't handle this pressure. Work, stop working to feed baby and change diapers, cook lunch and dinner for us, do house chores, working again until late night, getting 3-4h of sleep. I am DEAD.
Yeah, I should have thought more clearly and acted more responsibly, in the end I am stupid Gaijin. I regret getting married because if I didn't I won't be listed as a father on the Koseki Tohon.
I'm thinking of divorce. I regret getting married with her! But because for our daughter, it was recommended to marry (got pressured by her parents, since birth out of wedlock is not a common thing here like in Germany). Should have spent more time and live together first… There is no way we have a happy future. Better now than later. But I will lose custody to my child. Everything is against me.. I am desperated.
I have heard that after marriage, especially with Japanese wife, the relationship will suffer. I realized now.
What can you recommend me?
Sorry for the rant. I miss my old life.
by PaintingContent4903