Hello,
I'm coming into a position where I'm taking over a task from a Japanese coworker. I have to speak with an existing agency.
In our first correspondences without having properly met, they referred to me as "San" where they refer to my other Japanese coworkers as "Sama" by email.
I'm already quite annoyed because my first correspondences have been chasing them for late paperwork that needs to be filed.
I don't like to be passive in these situations and asked them straightforward please refer to me as "sama" like you do my other coworkers （いただければ幸いです）…
Next email back to me is still "San".
Thankfully, my boss also thinks they are quite rude and we can look to other agencies next year. But should I just bite my tongue until we switch agencies?
Let me know what you would do in this situation.
by smapattack
26 comments
I’d bite my tongue. Can’t control other people and you’re just gonna let them get to you. If you want to be petty then drop honorifics with the specific people who don’t treat you the way they treat others.
Even if they are being rude and potentially discriminatorily so, is it really worth losing your peace over it? I’m I the only one that thinks you are over reacting especially since its not even your company but an agency your company happens to work with?
How long/hard did you need to study to be able to throw around shade in Japanese? I get passive aggressive stuff like that sometimes and man I wish I could throw it back.
>But should I just bite my tongue until we switch agencies?
Yes. Who cares. Don’t let such little things affect you like that. It’s not gonna achieve anything and will just create unhappiness for you.
You really only have 3 options.
Continue asking nicely
Go the complete other way and start referring to them as Kakka.
Dont use them at all for the others call them only by their first name
lol I had a similar problem but in reverse. I typically get ‘san’ from vendors, but once an existing vendor was trying to sell us on incremental service, and I initially rejected the idea as it would have taken substantial resources to stand up operations for the enhancement, and I didn’t believe in the upside much. All the sudden I’m getting the ‘sama’ suffix in person and over email, along with similar treatment trying to butter me up. Couldn’t wait to replace that vendor.
If this really bothers you, repeat what they said every time.
If they say “Gaijin san, otsukaresamadeshita”.
Responded with “un?? san? san desu ka?”
See how they would react.
lol, be happy they use -san.
I call everyone さん even externals. But I’m in IT. Not sure if that changes things
I don’t think it’s such a big deal but if you’re really affected by it stop calling them 様 and email them the same way they email you. I do the same.
Dude, I’d just do the same thing back at them, or dare I, mistake their name’s kanji!?!?!11
If this can help you see the good side of the situation until your company changes agency:
At least your boss is on your side and they’ll get what they deserve: loosing contract because they cannot care to respect partners
Give them the same energy. You’re probably getting a new vendor next year anyways.
Take it as a term of endearment, rather than a discriminatory one. Easier to bear the differential treatment.
You’re lucky you got San
Call them ちゃん、君、殿、a different one everytime until they notice …
No but seriously.. don’t take it that way.. just ignore it.
They should do it, sure.. that being said, asking someone to call you 様 is weird too imo..
While formal emails usually are meant to be 様, (I work corporate for a massive international company handling APAC, based in Tokyo) I email clients, partners, contractors, vendors internationally and for all communications with Japanese companies we almost always use 様 to address each other, with our company, position, and full name-様、
We switch to さん or none depending on who and how long we’ve worked together.
It is common for some people to be purposely rude.
1. Ignore them and meh
2. Respond to them as さん
3. Sign your emails as 田中太郎様
4. Declare duel on them for disrespecting your family honor, with a sword fight at noon
Honestly, jokes aside, I get why you’d be annoyed but there is not much more you can do with rude pricks.
I usually respond at the level I’m presented. I don’t take offense. It’s best in business to focus on results not perceived respect. Respect and language don’t align well anyway. Ive dealt with pretty nasty people who spoke super polite Japanese.
If this is really getting to you that badly, wait til you get “Gaijin go home.”
Give errybody a ~san in return and, to quote Donnie Brasco, Fahgeddaboudit
Had this experience before, where one lady from a company we usually deal with just referred to me as さん instead of 様, didn’t really mind it and after a while they also just referred to me as 様
Also, if we speak over the phone they usually just use さん also, which I prefer to be honest.
It’s not a big deal
>I don’t like to be passive in these situations and asked them straightforward please refer to me as “sama” like you do my other coworkers （いただければ幸いです）…
Finding it difficult to put to words, but something about this response makes me uncomfortable. It’s one thing if you were being actually 呼び捨てed (i.e. no honorific whatsoever), but asking someone to address you as “sama” seems kind of wild, and in general, calling people out in “public” (where there are spectators cc’d on the communication) is a big faux pas. Rather than get the outcome you want, I think you’ll lose face in this exchange and could damage a working relationship.
I would keep quiet and if it continues to bother you that much then address those concerns to your boss so they can advise you/act accordingly.
start referring to yourself using sama
お世話になっております。〇〇会社のsmapattack様です。
https://preview.redd.it/bhnwmqxw0lmg1.jpeg?width=576&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=075c9ef18373575a9f218a742855bb4f2977442a
This is the perfect example of how a reader can interpret messages over text very differently to the way the writer intended, because to me reading this post you sound like a snowflake.
I’d chatGPT the UTMOST keigo phrasing to communicate with them from now on.
Just pay them back in equal terms. If they San you in business Mails, just San them back 😉
In my professional experience, I encountered three coworkers who just called me by my last name. To be fair, we had other foreigners who went with their first name, so dropping the San is a bit different. As lots of Japanese people seem to know that ‘the foreign’ (including like every country outside of Japan) doesn’t add San to first names.
I told all three of them, that the name I use, is actually my last name and asked them politely to add San. Two of them obliged. The third one said he would, but didn’t. Referring to him by his last name without San changed this over the course of a week.
Petty? Yes. But effective.
If your boss was truly on your side, they would’ve addressed it with the company.
My boss did for me and I told him I asked them to address me like that. He says he understands but feels uncomfortable when they do it in his presence. While I appreciates his concerns , I prefer it like I prefer it.
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