For context: she used to work for this same company before she moved out from Japan like 6 years ago. In Canada, she was working remotely for an animation company 8 hours a day.
I don't know how many hours she was working in Japan, but now she is leaving home at around 7-30am and coming back at 12-30am. I understand that in her contract it says up to 40 hours overtime per month, but what the fuck is this?
I told her to stop working so long and she just keeps throwing me this deadline and task for this fucking project.
Like, so fucking what? You work your 8 hours, maybe 9 then whatever you don't finish you do Tomorrow. She is Japanese and I am from Canada.
She is working for a Japanese company.
We came to Japan last year, but all this time she didn't work, she was just staying at home chilling. She started to work after I told her we were only going to buy a house if both of us worked.
Before we moved here we made plans:
Work
See if we like living here
Buy house
Try for baby
Go on maternity leave (her)
Every single day she tells me how she hates her current project and wants to quit. Every single day I tell her to stop working so long and just leave whatever tasks don't get finished for next day, but she saying but the deadline blah blah.
A couple of months ago (before she started working again) when I was asking why she is not working, she told me maybe she should be stay home mom, I said no because that's not what we agreed before moving here.
Now she keeps telling me she wants to quit, hates her project and keeps coming home so late only getting like 4 hours of sleep at night.
Why can't she just finish tasks for next day?? I told her if she really want take it anymore then whatever and just quit. Then she comes around saying after the probation period she will ask to work some days at home since it's in her contract.
Anybody working for Japanese company pls tell me what the f is going on please
Edit: I wanted to thank everyone for your thoughtful replies and help in this. Now I understand this is totally different culture from what I am used to, and something I probably will never understand as I am not a Japanese woman. I will try to discuss this with my wife and bring up some very valid points raised in the comments.
Thank you for the kind words and will definitely post an update after we have this talk.
by makishiP
27 comments
Maybe she is trying to fit in again after being away for too long from Japan.
She also maybe thinking the work culture of Japan from 6 years ago even though many things have already changed.
Japan being Japan. She’s obviously in a workplace that puts tremendous pressure on doing overtime. It’s very hard to leave work when everyone is still there “working”.
Is she still working for an animation company? They are notorious in Japan for long hours and underpaid salaries, with a few exceptions.
That’s a quick shortcut to burnout, pain, sickness. Take her to any therapist to learn about it.
Japanese women working for Japanese company in Japan have to follow the societal rules that are unspoken but very much alive.
You’ll never understand because you’re not from here, not subject to the same rules and are oblivious to the invisible social pressure.
I don’t agree with it. But you’re not the first or only person to come across this cultural impasse.
Less about being a Japanese company per se – that industry is famous for this kind of heinous exploitation of staff, similar to the advertising industry. There is no logic about leaving at a reasonable time and finishing things tomorrow. She’s trapped into a sense of loyalty and diligence to her colleagues but for her health, both physical and mental, and the sake of your marriage, you need to help her to quit ASAP. Even if she is making bank – that schedule isn’t sustainable. Best of luck.
I’m from Canada too, the idea that you clock out when your hours are done and pick up the work the next day is not how things work here. Your work is based on the tasks you need to complete and their deadlines. Not the actual hours you are scheduled to work. It’s getting better, but it’s not uncommon for situations like hers to still occur, especially in certain industries.
Production/film companies are very different from normal jobs. Japanese production companies are very different from Western. It’s insanely cut-throat. Not only internally, also between companies doing the work.
If you have never worked in film/animation/games it would be hard to explain.
If she wants to be in production, then she quits (like you said) and goes to another place with identical working environment? Animation industry is small af, everyone talks.
She complains, best you can do is empathize. Don’t try to solve it.
lol why wouldn’t you want your wife to be a stay at home wife? If you can afford it, it’s the best balance for a family.
You are giving her advice as if you were giving it to yourself. That has never worked and will only worsen your relationship.
I have done the same thing, it’s human nature.
You want the best for her and you want her to snap out of it and do the right thing. But, it would be better to:
1) just be supportive of her emotionally without offering your outsider advice. Think of a good parent who listens and offers supportive advice, rather than talks down to their child’s problems and criticizes them
2) Offer to help her find a new job and use your extra free time for her to get back hers
3) Try to understand things from inside her mind, not yours, before offering any suggestions. Maybe she secretly likes it, or is stuck in a pattern of work anxiety. Hustle culture and grind mentality is not just for Canadians.
Good luck Cannuck
This is unfortunately common in Japan. Japanese companies put huge amounts of pressure on their staff and use social pressure to make sure everyone works a lot of unpaid hours.
Not like back home where you can just leave. You’ll get a never ending stream of bullying and lectures for adhering to your employee rights.
It’s especially bad for young women as employers will try to squeeze the absolute maximum out of them so they quit before taking maternity leave. It’s a combination of good old fashioned misogyny and the math of trying to avoid paying maternity benefits.
I’m a recruiter so I might be able to help find her a new job. Direct message me if you like.
Japanese animation companies are basically passion jobs and are on the extreme end of work life balance. It’s run and operated by people who consider work their life. Just look at the people who have made it big in the industry; Hayao Miyazaki, Hideaki Anno, Makoto Shinkai etc. they seem to have unbound energy because they are obsessed with their own works. This behavior travels down the chain of command to make it a living hell for those who don’t want it but just part of life for those who want to be there.
In this case it looks like your wife doesn’t truly care about her work, but is surrounded by people that do and is trying to work at the same level to feel useful to the team. This is not a good thing and I really think you need to sit down with her and convince her that she is working in what probably is literally the hardest industry to work in and because the job market here is not dead like in Canada or the US, there’s a near infinite selection of other places where she can contribute greatly while not sacrificing herself
Your wife’s health and sanity should be what’s most important, I’d tell her if she can’t cut her hours then she needs to quit. There’s other jobs, other industries, it might take some time but she can find something better.
First of all, this is not a Japanese company thing, and the 40 hours OT is みなし残業, not a must. Rather, she doesn’t get paid for up to 40 hours OT, encouraging her to NOT do overtime.
The problem is game industry, its the same anywhere tbh. But mobile game company in Asia is hardcore… the pressure from other colleagues and unwritten/unspoken society rules just make things worse..
Is there any particular reason you came/she came back here?
I know its not that easy but how about just encourage her to change jobs/industry? I assume she’s japanese with no limitations from visa, so maybe she can start somewhere that offer more “calm” environment despite lower income, i mean i thought the deal is that as long as she work full time then you can go with your plan. Heck she can even re-start from haken. no guarantee that new place could be better, but as majority mentioned mobile game/anime etc industry is a meatgrinder so.
She isn’t crazy; i think her mental bandwidth is getting thin with the long hours and endless pressure of the job, plus she knows too well about Japanese work culture, while you keep pressuring the impossibles. This is why she thinking of fight or flight where she either fight till she is exhausted in this company or totally quit working at all.
Since you said you include trying for baby and maternity leave: I’m also stating based on experience that this kind of crazy hours and pressure are recipes for infertility.
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I once left my Japanese company in the UK at 10:30pm as I was so tired. The next day my shitty boss asked me why I left and told me that I should stay until everyone decides to leave.
One thing is you should actually keep an eye on the future rather than just right now’s stressful situation. Does she intend to keep working if you have a baby or is she planning on essentially retiring? Once she is pregnant, things move fast and also, in my experience, a working mother’s options are shrunk.
Meaning if you have a baby, you could end up as essentially the house husband while your wife works her job and you have to keep working yours, or you have a full time housewife. Not judging here just saying this is what would likely happen. If you do make 7m a year, I would bet on the latter as Japanese people would view that salary as definitely enough to support a wife.
My wife was basically in a black job with an abusive boss, quit, then got pregnant. She is working nowadays as a temp, and this is essentially long hours low pay, which puts strain on everything. I probably do 75% of the housework while also making most of the income.
It’s very hard for her to start a new career as a mother. Employers do not want to take a chance on older beginners and even holding down a temp job can be difficult as they tend to be quite exploitative.
It’s quite a lot more complicated to make big changes once she’s pregnant, so you should consider what you’re going to do in the future. This current situation could be a red flag and my instinct says Canada is probably the better option.
Why did you keep pushing her to work if she didn’t want to work? Was it because of insufficient income to buy a house?
Interesting wife works for a Foreign company, and 90% of what you said applies, some of it word for word. And her company is in a completely different industry.
One of the millions stories I heard about and witnessed myself.
They do this, are totally immune to common sense when you try to tell them, and eventually burn out until they find something new or cannot handle it anymore.
It’s a mentality that makes this type of people cannon fodder for overtime in Japanese companies.
Within the few weeks you join a company, they will gauge you, evaluate if you can be squeezed like a sponge, test you and your resilience and decide what to do with you and how to treat you.
Before, I thought it was something “Japanese specific”, but after 20 years here, I understood it goes deeper than only a vague cultural corporate trait that would push people to kill themselves at work.
It is basically exploitation of human weakness.
I guess that depends on how you define “crazy”. On one hand it is completely nonsensical but on the other hand that’s pretty normal.
If she is in the gaming industry, there must be better job opportunities out there.
My company is a mobile game studio with about 200 employees. Our working hours are 10 a.m. to 7 p.m., but by 8 p.m., most employees are no longer in the office. Working past 10 p.m. is generally not permitted, and this rule is mostly followed.
Not everything in this industry is terrible; conditions vary significantly from company to company. Look for a company that develops its own products rather than one that does contract work or acts as a subcontractor. Such companies tend to have more control over their own schedules and are less likely to end up in bad situations.
I feel your pain, OP. I’ve had similar issues with my wife … I hope that you are not swearing at her … try to be gentle and understanding, but firm is the best way … but, yeah, I feel your pain.
I would recommend to get out of the mobile game side of the game industry. There are days where you might stay late an hour or so, or come in on the weekend. But better than mobile games.
I’m sorry this is happening to you both. I think you should ask why she feels she can’t quit.
Is it because she feels guilty letting her colleagues suffer the consequences? Is it because she is afraid she won’t be able to work in the industry anymore if she quits so quickly on her current job? Is it because she doesn’t want to disappoint you that you two will have to adjust your plans? Is it because she was the one who wanted to come to Japan and feel guilty/disillusioned with the reality and doesn’t want to admit it? Is it because she is too tired to make a big decision at the moment?
I think it’s a combination of all those, or even more factors, but you two need to list them, think of what you could do for each, and come to a conclusion that feels right for both of you. I sense the last one is the urgent problem at the moment and I hope she can take a weekend to reflect on these things. I hope you can find a good way forward.
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