Hi everyone. I’m a Japanese man born and raised here. Now I live in Tokyo.
Lately, I’ve realized that even though I see many foreign residents in Japan every day, I have no idea how you live, what communities you belong to, or how you make connections, including romantic ones. It feels like we are living in the same town but in "parallel worlds."
Outside of work, I have almost no opportunities to meet people from other countries. To be clear, I’m not interested in someone just "because they are a foreigner." I’m not looking for a free English teacher. I just want to meet wonderful people as individuals, have meaningful conversations, and share great times together regardless of their nationality or background.
Also, I am still studying English and trying to be better. So I might not be able to have perfectly smooth conversations, but I’m eager to learn and communicate.
Please feel free to answer only what you're comfortable sharing, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on these:
- How did you meet your Japanese friends or partner?
- Where do you "hang out" when you want to be social?
- If a Japanese guy like me approached you (on the street, at a live event, a cafe, etc.), would it be welcome, or would it feel intrusive?
I genuinely want to step out of my "Japanese-only" world and hear about your real lives and experiences. Any advice would be appreciated!
by taketake3times
38 comments
I met my partner on tapple! He’s Japanese and we’re getting married this summer.
I try to join local Japanese circles or go to English events from time to time.
I would be happy if I was approached! Having more Japanese friends would be fun.
This is super pinging high on my really weird radar.
Here with my wife and family.
1) My only Japanese friends are from work. (Military) I don’t know how to go about making friends with locals.
2) Izakayas mostly. Would like to do site seeing or sports.
3) It would be welcomed. I’m from the USA South, where we frequently talk to strangers and have what many call “southern hospitality”
Even more welcomed since I am trying to learn more natural Japanese. The little I know now is from textbooks.
Go to a big craft beer place at peak time, like Goodbeer faucets or OL Shibuya, and you will meet a bunch of local foreigners.
I feel like some kind of zoo creature in an online zoo.
Best of luck to you buddy. I’ll help by answering your questions
>How did you meet your Japanese friends or partner?
I don’t have any Japanese friends. I do have some half-Japanese friends, though. I would love to have one or more though.
>Where do you “hang out” when you want to be social?
I’m not the type of guy who can just go out and socialize with anyone. Most of the times my friends are those from schools, unis, and office. The rest are usually my friend’s friend who ends up becoming my friends as well.
>If a Japanese guy like me approached you (on the street, at a live event, a cafe, etc.), would it be welcome, or would it feel intrusive?
Depends. If I have much time and the guy isn’t suspicious, I’d be fine (although I might feel a bit unpleasant). However, in places that I go when I have free time (parks or train since I have nothing to do on train anyway), I will be completely fine. In fact, in my experience, I had a good convos with some local Japanese on train and at park–even though we were talking use google translate.
Sent a PM 🙂
I have made the most amount of English speaking friends in smoking areas, they’re usually the loudest lol
Yo!
Answering the questions:
1 – Usually on snack bars. Or in the community center activities.
2 – Snack and Karaoke bars.
3 – For me it’s fine, depending I may even cook a meal for you like I did to all my neighbors. 😂
You can make all the friends you want at 03-5348-6878.
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Ignore most of the reddit people, they are the worst that enter Japan, they gate keep. They get rude at any questions that other tourists ask about Japan. Foreigners that live in Japan and frequent reddit tend to be a certain type of person. It’s best to meet foreigner tourists and talk to them. if you want to know what type of person a redditor living in Japan is, ask Chat GPT to reply in a Japanlife reddit mod personality and you will see the type of person they are.
If you want to meet people that might become potential friends, you need find people who share in the things you like. So you need to engage in those activities or go to places where those activities are happening.
In answer to your 3rd question, time, place, and circumstance matter so much. As well, what’s acceptable to me might not be acceptable to the next person. In short what I’m saying is that the posters on Reddit can’t really answer this question for you.
1 – met my partner on Tinder. I met Japanese friends usually either at work, doing sports, or at bars.
2 – bars
3 – it would be weird unless it was at a bar, then I might be ok wid it.
In summary, bars.
This is funny to read as a Japanese person who moved to the US at the age of 6.
I feel like I belong in the US… and yet the nostalgia of coming back to Japan…
I met my Japanese friends at university in the US. I use meetup.com to meet new people in Japan, but honestly I want to find a girlfriend in Japan and just don’t know how.
It feels much harder to find a girlfriend in Japan, everyone seems so closed off and I don’t want to bother them
Tinder
1.
I occasionally do music and connected with some cool people at open mic events etc.
Also language exchange apps/sites: Hello Talk, Conversation Exchange. You might also want to try Meetup, there’s a lot of events in the Tokyo area.
3.
Honestly as a woman I would be quite wary, since I once came across a stalker and also had the displeasure of seeing the kind of guys who hit on foreign women only (so-called gaijin hunters). You should think twice about approaching a woman you don’t know, unless it’s clearly a social event.
Don’t mind the awful comments here, best of luck making new friends!
1) I came to Japan as a tourist 10 years ago and made a friend at a car meet, she spoke english and japanese and later introduced me to her japanese friends when I moved here, and they also introduced me to their friends. I’ve also made friends from Language Exchange apps and bars in my area.
2) When I hang out and want to be social I usually go to Shisha bars with friends, hiking, car stuff, etc.
3) I think if you approached me anywhere I wouldn’t feel like it was intrusive, but maybe it’s because I haven’t had a negative experience yet
Facebook groups or meetup can be good. Join an activity you’re already interested in(like hiking, rock climbing, running, chess, whatever…)
If you just go to a drinking place there’ll be little to talk about
just talk to us we are mostly easy going
Thank you for taking an interest. Curiosity is what makes Japan great.
Read the room, man. I don’t think you’re going to find many people on here wanting **anything** to do with Japanese people after the latest rug pull from the government yesterday. Everyone I know here feels betrayed by the people of this country as a collective — and while that might he irrational, approaching us like a group of space aliens from Mars isn’t likely going to elicit a friendly response.
Don’t be disparaged by all the negativity here. Honestly, Japan needs more people like you, being open-minded to different cultures, etc.
I usually meet people when out drinking at izakaya, sakaba, etc. I would treat you like anyone else who approached me to start a good-natured conversation with me – with warmth and friendliness.
I would love if you talked to me! I think a cafe or a bar or restaurant would be a great place to interact! or if the person is just stopped somewhere resting (tho in japan there are no places like this so much, in europe people just kind hang out a lot in the street or sit on benches in public spaces)
Only time Japanese people approached me, was when they wanted me to join in a cult or when someone was a nanpa try to hit on me.. so sorry, I know you maybe have good intentions but I don’t trust them (you) anymore 😆😂.
It seems like no matter who you are or where you live, it’s difficult to make friends as an adult just because people are so busy and most people don’t have a lot of extra time to spend on meeting new people.
I like to make art and work on projects, so the people I spend time with are people who have an interest in creating things with me.
I’ll be in Tokyo in about two weeks with some homegirls of mine. Let’s hang bro you can practice your English and I can practice the 20 Japanese words I know.
I met my partner at a language exchange app called HelloTalk. 😀
When I hang out, I usually join this discord group that has a bunch of foreigners meeting up at a certain time of day
Some Japanese men have been aggressive with the ‘nanpa’ thing so I would feel very uncomfortable
Foreigners are just people, you can’t generalize.
2 & 3 – wildly different among individuals. Everyone is different. People are people.
1. I think generally for all foreigners if you’d approach them randomly on the street and talk to them they’d be thrilled, esp in a city like tokyo where small talk is low to non existant outside of bars, conbini. Obviously if they look like they’re in a hurry don’t bother.
2. I meet most of my Japanese friends in Osaka. I meet a few cool people in tokyo as well but given how busy everyone here is I understand that they prob don’t have the currage, time, or even the motivation to make a meaningful connection here. My friends from Osaka are very outgoing, no need for planning, meet them 3-4 years ago in a club, we decided to keep hanging out through my vacation and when I left they kept asking for updates, what I’m up too, when I’ll comeback to visit again. Now I live in Tokyo and we’re hanging out every weekend, going to bars, clubs, BBQs, Parks etc.
Also why are some of the comments acting like OP is trying to kill their family? OP didn’t ask for any real info, and even said only to answer if you feel comfortable. If anything most of the Gaijins I see here in the comments are worse then any dickhead Ojisan I’ve ever met in japan. Kinda wild how most Gaijins go “Ugh why do no japanese people try to connect or talk to me” and then when a Japanese person reaches out go “ugh what do you want creep”. Honestly just sad how so many people have just such a shitty life.
It’s funny.
A Japanese person wants to hang out with foreigners, foreigners mock him/her
If a Japanese person only hangs out with other Japanese, he is xenophobic.
Which one folks? Make up your damn minds
Don’t look. I met people through my normal hobbies or interests
Head over to golden gai and pick a bar then talk to every foreigner next to you.
“I have no idea how you live, what communities you belong to, or how you make connections, including romantic ones. It feels like we are living in the same town but in “parallel worlds.”
This is bizarre. Like there are two borg collectives that never interact and individuals don’t exist..
Facebook meet up groups, the meetup app, and even hello talk app.
Try this app Konnekt: Meet New Friends
https://apps.apple.com/jp/app/konnekt-meet-new-friends/id6747892693?l=en-US
1. My share house neighbour is my very first Japanese friend but he’s the last one I would ever call Japanese for how extrovert he’s. Yesterday I asked if he’s from Osaka and he laughed crazy saying everyone asks that lol. Plus he’s a boxer, not a very Japanese thing.
2. I usually hang around parks hoping to talk to others but it’s usually older folks starting a conversation.
3. It would be very much welcoming. A few days ago a Japanese cult lady started talking to me in a bus about stuff and promoting her stuff. Still the best talk with a Japanese stranger so far lol.
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