Am I missing something here with Pairs dating app?
I’m mixed, but tanned skin (black African/white Italian) and speak fluent English and have passed JLPT N2.
I recently decided to re-enter the dating scene (after a break from a break-up.) I’d like to think I’m a regular dude, I like to go out for drinks, play sport and workout. I’m very much no Brad Pitt, but I’ve had a fair run so far. I’ve dated here several times before, with both Japanese and foreign women (all from in-person encounters or through friends of friends). Yet, I’ve been a paid member of the pairs for almost 2 weeks now and I’ve not received a single like, let alone a match & few profile views. Yet, I see many new lady members’ profiles with an image of a piece of cake; a Starbucks cup; a literal cat! Or the in-famous back-of-head shot. Of whom have gotten 10s, sometimes a 100+ likes, in what I’d assume, is in a similar amount of time I’ve been on the app!
I’ve used bumble/tinder back home with moderate success in the past and I’m aware of how online dating is more accessible to women but still, I’m pretty shocked by my experience here so far.
I’ve put decent effort into a profile. Clear photos, including of my face (wow, shocker right!?), me & buddies having a drink, Me playing with my nephews, me playing sport. All chosen to show my kinda lifestyle, basically. I’ve ran it by co-workers both female/male for opinions and made adjustments where applicable. Yet, nothing.
Hence why I’ve come here (hopefully) to get a better insight into how this works or what to expect from pairs. So fellas, how do you approach using this app?
33 comments
Do you live in saitama ? That would explain a lot.
Also remember, 90% of the account in dating application are bot. Don’t waste “like” swipping on account not verified.
I recommend you Tapple, this is the best app I used when I was single
Tinder it’s more for one night stand + full of tourist
Bumble is more for foreigner only
Pairs seems to be for “weird” and “old” people and I feel like it’s so empty
Tapple seems to be the best, only resident in Japan, lot of profile (a bit similar to Tinder but not one night stand) and the algorithm seems to be nice with guys
Men don’t get as many likes on Japanese matching apps. I think the income column is important because many people in Pairs are looking to get married!
I find online dating in Japan tough. Even if you get dates, you get ghosted, and lied to. Or they tell you one thing online but then act completely different irl. I think most of them are bored and lonely and are only willing to put in minimal effort
I honestly think you’re better off finding girls in real life. I never had luck with bumble or tinder after a year until I met my SO through work friends. The girls I dated from apps always were very weird.
It’s tough dating in Japan as a non-white, non-Asian foreigner.
Pairs is a 婚活 app, not casual dating, so people using it are using it to get married rather than casually date.
Personally I use with. I have never really encountered any bots, and while I don’t get a ton of likes, I do get like a couple a week perhaps. I tend to find that people are generally interested in serious relationships, and profiles that reflect that. I can’t say anything about pairs but most profiles on with have pretty extensive written sections about hobbies etc. If you haven’t written that much you could try it. I also think being foreign (especially non-white or east asian) is not necessarily a plus on the Japanese apps. My experience is that I get a *lot* more likes on Bumble, since it has a bigger mix of nationalities so the girls who use it are usually fine with foreigners. Despite this I have a harder time actually meeting up with people from Bumble, but that might be for other reasons.
Step 1: Be White
Would honestly be easier to just go out drinking and talk to some women.
1. Dead ass the ratio of men to women on Pairs (or hell, any dating app) is probably like 100:1
2. Any and all women, even if the only picture they have is of an inanimate object, will receive hundreds of likes. Imagine how obnoxious it must be for them to filter through all them?
3. Pairs is mainly a marriage app. Most locals don’t actually imagine a long term stable future with foreigners.
4. Are you rich? Lots of them are looking for that sweet sweet 10M + income level.
Put the income range to over 10m then see what happens
All about your income. If you ain’t rich you ain’t getting matched on Pairs.
I honestly wouldn’t recommend any apps in Japan unless you want a casual hookup. For serious relationships join a circle.
you not receiving any likes is definitely strange. it’s been a while since I use pairs, but you’re supposed to like a bunch of those groups like “love to travel” or whatever to connect your interests, right? have you been active in that? also what does your profile look like? what’s the text you put in? does it say that you want to build your life in Japan? and maybe include info that the kids in your pictures aren’t yours, you never know who gets wrong ideas. if you give us an idea of what your profile text says we may be able to see if there’s anything unusual/missing.
… it probably means high competition and girls at that age range is not interested in you.
Just bcause you are a foreigner does not automatically mean girls are interested in you – maybe before 2010 but nowadays foreigners are common and there a shift in interest in types of men
Homie I think you’re gonna have to show your profile for us to be able to help you. If you’re a bit shy you can PM me. I met my wife on Pairs so I think I could help.
If you have a good profile photo on pairs, and a really good Japanese catch copy,, you will maybe get up to a 5% response from your likes. From those 5 you have to have a really good opening line and be able to do the message exchange quickly and comically. Being funny is the most attractive trait. You can get a date with up to three of those 5 if you don’t scare them and are frequently in contact. Moving the conversation to LINE is vital, but if you try and do it too soon it’s sketch. Online dating is hard but if you crack the code it is easy. It’s a numbers game and you have to pay to play.
The conversation rate on ハッピーマールis much better
Are you sending likes too? cuz if you’re just waiting then you won’t get anything
If you’re a guy think of Pairs like your would a gacha game.
Also are you listing your hobbies (I think it was liking them, or w/e they are called). It’ll show stuff you ‘liked’ in common
girls get 100s of likes a day so it’ll take time. It’s been a numbers game like irl dating but with a bigger pool
btw your profile is in Japanese right? if not you’ll filter yourself out
The percentage of Japanese women willing to consider a foreigner as a long-term partner is already fairly low, probably in the single digits. And the darker your skin, the lower that number goes. Pairs is an app for Japanese people who are looking for a serious long-term partner so most users on there will not give you any likes.
Japanese women who are actively looking for a foreign boyfriend are on Bumble because that’s the app foreigners in Japan tend to use. So that will be your best chance and in my experience, you do not even need to pay for premium to get matches.
Also forget Tinder, the app is garbage in Japan. You won’t get matches unless you are gold which costs like 4000 yen a month and even then 80% of your matches will be bots and Insta/OF THOTs.
Why not switch apps? Have heard tinder and bumble popular enough here.
Write 舐め犬です in your profile.
I am literally not kidding. I made a new Pairs profile just to do this.
You are doing everything right. I had no problems dating back home too. People in this country are using those apps for the wrong reasons and you are suffering because you are drowning in a sea of deception.
The ones who are hiding are either married people or people in relationships who are cheating (personal shocking experience(s)!
There are also soo many socially inept, awkward, and downright emotional immature people on those apps who have no intention of meeting, getting to know you. Some even just reply to your questions without reciprocating. It took 4 years to find a well adjusted person.
Did you write about your relationship intentions in your profile? Did you also mention you live in Japan permanently? Is your income listed? Have you considered removing the photo of your nephews? Women may misinterpret them as your children at first glance. How many women are you “liking”?
I ignore any first sons, people who have never traveled internationally, low incomes, or extremely high incomes. You can pay to send messages, but I ignore those too if I receive them. Women read your profile and if it’s not a future they want they won’t take an interest. It does not matter how few or many “likes” they have. Look for women you’d think would be good partners. Be aware they may be busy. I get a lot of messages that I must be busy dating a lot of men when my like count got stupid high, but I had no control over that. Just timing and I was busy working, not dating. It turned me off pretty quickly.
I get around 5-10 likes a day on pairs. Mostly from those with no pics or cats (ugh) but one in 5 is always a “normal” person.
I’ve been using it on and off for two years with success (lots of dates) and I’d consider myself well versed in how to get liked on it.
I’d be more than happy to have a look at your profile, pm me.
(I can show you mine first if you feel uncomfortable)
Best of luck!
Are you an ALT?
I’ve never heard of this app before but after reading this post i was intrigued, so I installed it and got 3 likes in less than 20 minutes after setting up my profile.
Edit: I’m 30 yo European male if that makes any difference.
OP, if you have conversational Japanese, you’d better be going offline — izakayas, bars and stuff. Dating apps are an endless frustration which can make you feel as if there’s something wrong with you.
I’ve been paying for bumble, pairs and tapple for 2 years straight. The quality of my matches was beyond mediocre: 90% don’t text back after starting the convo (bumble) or just ghost you after a couple of days, others install dating apps to get free meals or when they’re bored.
During the course of 2 years I could only pull off 3 offline dates. Neither of those worked out, we were really getting along with the last one, even dated for a couple of month until I got to know that I was her plan B, she dumped me shortly after by texting the most generic “it’s not you, it’s me” kinda bs, because obviously gaijins have no feelings and don’t deserve a proper explanation. Result: a broken heart and gym membership.
Don’t get your hopes up high for dating apps. Instead you can sign up for match cons, it’s like offline speed dating and since your Japanese is good it will be a better bang for you buck.
For club activities there’s a website called meetup.com, they also have an app.
There’s another, more expensive way to find a partner — via a marriage agency. Last time I checked it was something around 4man/month. For that money agency will match your profile against their private database and arrange dates for you, I think not less that once per month, don’t remember this in details, it’s been too long since I’ve checked.
Haven’t used those agencies myself but at some point I was really considering to.
It’s not true that girls have it more easy.
The scenario is terrible in both sides.
We may have more options but those are more trash.
I’ve been in Pairs too but nobody talks or have a decent conversation/interest. They just do like for the sake of.
It would be nice if people would also mention the area they live in. I think the dating experience in Tokyo area is vastly different from country side. I live in central Ibaraki. I regularly get matches (20 to 30 a month) but rarely with people who actually live here.
in my personal experience with match count, quantity does NOT equal quality! new profiles are boosted in search, so i’d always get a flood in the beginning, then it slows to a trickle. 99.9% are fuckboys, old men, hosts looking for customers, dudes wayyy too far outside my area, and guys that (i assume) just swipe every profile and never initiate/reciprocate messages if i don’t meet their standards. it may seem like women have more options and chances, but not really if you’re seriously looking.
Many centuries ago I used JapanCupid, Tinder, OkCupid and a few more. Same as this guy! Never got any likes/matches Except 1 time I got matched with a woman! I messaged her and it went like this :
Me : Hello there! How are you?
Her : I have a boyfriend
unmatched with you. (Sorry! Maybe it wasn’t meant to be)
I’m not a bad looking guy! I am an exact clone of Andre3000 (No makeup or anything needed! All natural looks!)
https://preview.redd.it/4608r4arpbqb1.jpeg?width=1366&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7b845311a23e8b25f2bc5e1bb48407b1e3ec1716
Why did you start paying before even getting a match?
I am the same mix as you OP. Let me give you my perspective from the female side. And note, I haven’t used pairs since before the pandemic.
First, tons of men have no photo of their face. There are men in suits in elevators, but with the camera angled so you don’t see their face. There are tons of pics of ramen, alcohol, and maybe a bunch of guys jogging.
On pairs there’s an option to join interest groups. So, if you like skiing, there are a bunch of skiing related groups you can jump and and use that as an opening to messaging someone.
Mens profiles have next to no info. Some guys are obviously fking around and write they have salaries worth 100k+usd.
Generally a man’s profile would have: age, salary (a split between ridiculously high, ridiculously low, and average), something about wanting kids, something about being a social drinker, and something about a movie or activity they like.
Bare. Bones.
I used my picture, but didn’t get many likes. Heck, I even swiped for fellow Americans and got nothing. I don’t look like a super model, but I’m not ugly or overweight. I am brown, and guys here (local and foreign) target Japanese women, other East Asian women, visibly white/Asian women, and visibly white women.
If you don’t fall into one of those categories, it’s just harder to get matches.
Finally, a word of advice. When I did match with men on pairs or OKC, I found a lot of them approached dating like a fight and like they were trying to “out” me as a bot or only there to use men. I get that there are unscrupulous people on the apps. But, not fun having date after date where different men say stuff like, “Girls here are so stuck up,” “Oh, I’m sure you want a rich man to take care of you,” or ducking paying their half of the bill because “Girls always expect the guy to pay,” or getting angry that I offer to pay my half, or getting angry that I don’t have sex with them after they paid for a meal (even when I offered multiple times to pay), and generally taking their anger out on me because the hot girl they really wanted to date was a scammer.
Good luck and take a lot of the “advice” here with a grain of salt.